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Wednesday, July 21, 2004
3:02 PM

Lip Smackin' Good
I'm not a huge makeup junkie. I do use it, but not obsessively. If I can skip it, like on the weekends, I usually do. But I'm also not militantly anti-makeup and acknowledge that, in general, it makes me look better.

The bane of my makeup-wearing existence, however, is lipstick. Maybe it's the fact that I inherited the skinny lips that seem to plague much of our family. Maybe it's just that I feel like a clown when I have it on (actually, I know I look like a clown with it most of the time. And maybe even without it.). I've searched and searched for the perfect color, texture, brand, etc., all to no avail. I'll find what I think is the perfect color only to hate it a week or so later. Lipstick and I don't mix. And yet every time I'm near any sort of a makeup counter I'll stop and spend a huge chunk of time looking at lipstick and invariably buying the next potential perfect lipstick (only to hate it a week later). It's like my Holy Grail - the perfect shade that isn't too pink, too orange, too brown or too goopy. I suspect I'll never find it, but what's a girl to do? I must keep the hope alive. And I'm sure the cosmetics companies thank me for single-handedly keeping their businesses afloat.

The good news, or so I thought, was that I recently found one that I like quite a bit (from my new favorite store - Target - nonetheless). It's actually a sheer glossy color in a pinkish brown. Admittedly, it is a bit goopy, but the color is good so I have to forgive a little goop. Color me excited. So I actually started using it almost daily. I felt like an actual girl for once. Then I noticed something.

Every time I would put in on, it smelled funny. Not bad funny, actually good funny. Sort of like a tootsie roll. I was a bit stumped, but carried on with my new favorite lipstick. Still smelled a bit sweet but there are certainly worse things. Then I noticed that it actually had a taste too - again sort of chocolatey (after all, one of the fundamental problems with lipstick is that it comes off, usually when you eat or drink, so you can't help but taste it). When applying it one day, I took a look at the tube and noticed for the first time the words "With Flavor". Whaaat?? And the shade is called "Sheerly Cocoa". Apparently it is actually chocolate flavored. Seriously.

Why in the world do they flavor the lipstick? Was I shopping in the teen section where maybe such a thing would make a bit more sense? (After all, when you are a teen is when they try to rope you into the lifelong commitment to makeup. They need some sort of hook to make us do all that work. Why not chocolate?) I looked even closer at the tube - it doesn't look like it is targeted at a particularly young audience. Isn't the goal to keep it on your lips as long as possible, not to eat it off as a snack when you get hungry? Is it supposed to be appealing to those who might be kissing you? Maybe it's a snack for them? I'm even more stumped now. And I can hardly bring myself to use it for fear or inviting unwanted advances from really hungry people. I just don't get the crossover. I feel like I'm in the famous "It's a floor wax and a dessert topping!" skit from Saturday Night Live. It's a lipgloss and a flavorful snack!!

I do still wear it from time to time, but I still find it strange that it is flavored. At least I know that in the event of a major disaster (or just when I get hungry some afternoon), I am covered. If all else fails, I can always use it to make s'mores. It would go nicely with the stale graham crackers and marshmallows.

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