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Tuesday, August 17, 2004
12:25 PM

A Day At The Races

This past weekend we were at the races in Del Mar as part of the annual firm retreat for Mark's office. (I'm sure you all remember the world's largest Mexican flag from last year's cruise).

It was quite interesting. I've only been to the races once before so the novelty had not yet worn off. They even had someone there to explain what the information in the program and the racing forms means. Very helpful. Or so it seemed.

After carefully listening to the mini-lecture, we turned to the program which contains all the info about each race, the horses, the owners, the jockeys, the horses parents, the colors of the uniforms, the horses' favorite foods. Seriously, there is a ton of information in the program (well maybe not the part about the favorite foods, but the rest, and more, is in there), all of which is supposed to help you better understand the race and bet intelligently (talk about an oxymoron).

For example, Race 2 was described as:
"Maiden. Purse $49,000 (Plus Up To $14,700 To Cal-Breds) For Maidens, Two Year Olds. Weight, 120 lbs. Five And One Half Furlongs."

Makes sense. It's the maiden for these horses, which means they have never won a race (learned that from our racing school!). They will win $49,000 (plus $14,700 if they were bred in fabulous California). The horses are 2 years old with 120 pounds of jockey weight. Race was 5.5 furlongs long (though I have no idea how long a "furlong" is). Makes sense. I think we did ok on that race. Won a bit of money. Yay us!

But alas, Race 5 was looming.

Here is the description:
"Allowance. Purse $58,000 (plus up to $17,400 To Cal-Breds) For Three Year Olds And Upward Which Have Never Won $7,500 Other Than Maiden, Claiming, Or Starter Or Which Have Never Won Two Races. Three year olds, 118 lbs; Older, 123 lbs Non-Winners Of A Race Other Than Claiming Or Starter At A Mile Or Over Allowed 2 lbs. One mile And One Sixteenth. (Turf) Chute Start. (Rail at 0 feet)."

What???? How in the world am I supposed to figure that out? Is the $7,500 cumulative or in a single race? What's with all the "or"s in there? What if you won two Maiden races, but didn't win $7,500? Can you enter? And what's all that mumbo jumbo about horses older than 3 years old? My brained ceased functioning before I even got to the part about the rail (which also completely stumped me). We seriously have no idea what that description meant. It sounds like the Monty Python skit from the Meaning of Life:

"Will those of you who are playing in the match this afternoon move your clothes down onto the lower peg immediately after lunch, before you write your letter home, if you're not getting your hair cut, unless you've got a younger brother who is going out this weekend as the guest of another boy, in which case, collect his note before lunch, put it in your letter after you've had your hair cut, and make sure he moves your clothes down onto the lower peg for you."

Actually I think that the Monty Python skit makes more sense than the program from the races.

You would think that with such a bizarre and confusing description, there would be two, maybe three, horses that meet the indecipherable requirements (or that had the nerve to pretend to know what the requirements actually were). But no. There were nine!! I think that the race officials just didn't understand the description either and had to let them all in.

Needless to say, we didn't do too well on Race 5. All in all, we lost a bit of money, but not too much. Good fun for all.

I encourage everyone to try the races at least once. Just don't expect to have a clue what you are doing.

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