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Tuesday, December 14, 2004
4:24 PM

Score: Emeril 1; Sarah 0

AKA - Emeril LIES LIES LIES!!!

This past weekend, once again, I was hit with a bizarre and uncontrollable desire to cook. I guess that's what happens when you watch Food TV too much. I really have to stop that.

I had a couple of potential recipes for Christmas dinner that I wanted to try so I called my local guinea pigs (Dad, Barbara, Alex & Connor) and invited them to dinner on Saturday. And so my cooking extravaganza began.

In case you want to see the actual recipe at issue in this post here it is: Savory Spinach and Artichoke Dressing. If you take a look at it, it sounds like it should be fabulous. Artichoke hearts, brie, parmesan. Mmmm.

Saturday afternoon I start the prep work. Now according to Emeril, the recipe is "easy" and takes only 15 minutes of prep work. That Emeril has quite a sense of humor. Maybe 15 minutes if you have an entire staff of kitchen flunkies at your disposal. Otherwise, it's closer to an hour. Maybe more. (Though it was generally easy work, so I guess he was honest on that point.) I tried to recruit the cats to be my flunkies, but they weren't biting (maybe it was the white chef's hat that scared them off). And Mark was out playing tennis. So it was just me and Emeril. Emeril definitely won this round.

First of all, what is the deal with spinach? It has to be the most shape-shifting substance on the planet. I needed 3 cups of cooked, chopped spinach. In order to get that much you need like an entire field of raw spinach. Maybe 2. That stuff shrinks like nothing I have ever seen.

Second, when the recipe calls for a "medium sized" pot in which to cook the spinach, I thought it actually meant medium. As in not small and not large. What it really meant was that you need one of those oversized witch cauldrons that stand in an open fire on the floor. I'm not even sure the spinach would fit in that.

Third, any recipe that has so many ingredients and subparts is definitely out in the future. Should have know that without even trying.

Finally, after much dicing, straining, sauteeing, mixing and such, it was ready to go into the oven. I must admit that as it baked it gave off a fabulous smell. I was very psyched at that point.

Then I served dinner. And the dressing was, how shall I put this, fine. Almost good even. Almost. But it certainly did not live up to my expectations. And didn't even come close to justifying all the dicing, straining, etc. I even tried it again last night. Still just ok. Damn Emeril!! Sucks me in with these incredibly promising looking recipes only to have them be huge disappointments. I wish I had just laid around all afternoon and then served mashed potatoes. Would have made for a much better afternoon and dinner.

So be warned. Emeril is a foul tempter. And he lies. And needless to say, there will be no Savory Spinach and Artichoke Dressing at Christmas dinner.

P.S. The good news was that the apple crisp that I made for dessert (from a Barefoot Contessa episode) was quite good. Just need to use different apples next time. (Sorry, that recipe is no longer up on the Food Network site. If you want it, e-mail me!)

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