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Wednesday, May 04, 2005
9:04 AM

Fun With Resumes

It's that time of year again at law firms - the time when all the summer clerks come and try to land permanent jobs. Ah, such fun. As part of that process, the first thing we receive is an e-mail containing the resumes of all of the summer people. And they usually make for somewhat entertaining reading. For those of you who don't get to have the - cough cough - "pleasure" of reading tons of resumes, I thought I would share with you a few tips for future reference. And I'll try to give examples to illustrate my points.

1. Keep It To One Page
Really. Granted, some people have such impressive credentials that 8 1/2 by 11 is just not enough, but I would submit that those people are few and far between. Usually you just end up looking self important. For example, Mark received a 10 page resume from a broker, complete with a table of contents. A table of contents!! Sounds impressive doesn't it? Well, the last page read in its entirety:

"I like Golf and Fishing"

Come on man! He may like golf and fishing, but clearly not trees given the rampant waste of paper. That last page calls the entire resume into question.

2. Be Very Careful When Listing Personal Interests
I think this is the area that kills most resumes (but on the upside gives the readers the most laughs). I know that a lot of handbooks tell you to "personalize" your resume with a list of personal interests or hobbies. I must admit that I don't agree. These sections are just ripe with amusement factor. And you really don't want them to be laughing at you. The problem is that people seem to confuse distinguishing yourself with being different (a.k.a. weird). I think a few examples would help illustrate my point.

Questionable "interests" from actual resumes:

Marionette Puppetry
Juggling (Just kidding - had to throw that out there for the Vogel contingent!)
Freestyle Frisbee
Baton Twirling
Cooking running bulldogs

(Ok, so that last one is more an example of the need to proofread and punctuate properly, but I still feel sorry for the dogs.)

You also have to really think about what you list. For example, one from this summer lists "international travel" as an interest. Duh. Who isn't a lover of the travel? But it gets worse. He goes on to list specific locations. He lists Spain. Great. Me too. Argentina. Also good. But Syria?? Yes. Syria. Does anyone really want to travel to Syria?

3. Words That Should Never Appear On A Resume
This is sort of a catch all, but just as useful. Let me stress that these are actual examples from resumes I have in front of me.

Ronald McDonald (We actually have two this summer suffering this affliction)
Bungee (Just looks funny)
Frogman Art (Don't even know what that means)
Baboon
James Bond

Another resume Mark received has another absolute no-no. Never ever ever put your measurements on a professional resume. Yes, you read that right. Measurements. The only exception of course is if you are a professional exotic dancer. But then again, I suspect they have a whole different "application" process that doesn't involve anything in writing.

4. Translations:
"Successful self-employed investor in securities" = "I bought some stock once."
"Avid Sports Fan" = "Love to sit on the couch drinking beer and watching TV."
"Near-fluent in Spanish" = "I know how to order a Margarita"
"Took minutes of conference calls" = "Wrote down what people said"
"Memory space compression technique for a sequentially accessible memory" = ?????

I really could go on and on, but will spare you. But I hope everyone has learned at least a little (or at least has been mildly entertained). Should be quite a summer!

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