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Tuesday, July 12, 2005
2:58 PM

Irony Clad Bags

Unlike my father, I love our City's recycling program. Perhaps I am deluding myself (it wouldn't be the first or last time), but I have no problem separating my plastic and glass and putting it in the separate can. I even feel like I'm doing something good for the environment (sort of). I refuse to embrace dad's cynical view that the trashmen just dump everything together at the dump. It must be my naturally Pollyanna-esque temperament. Yep, that's it.

I also love the green waste program, though it means that we have yet another trash can to store and wheel to the curb (and back to the house) each week. It really helps those of us who work in the garden. Again, I refuse to believe that the City is doing anything but creating wonderful soil amendments.

But the City is slowly but surely chipping away at my optimistic, environmentally-friendly demeanor. I fear I am turning into my dad.

A week or so ago, we came home to find yet another can to use to separate our trash. This time it's a small blue can which is supposed to be used to recycle those plastic bags you get at the grocery store. Apparently those bags are just wildly out of control and they are asking us to recycle them as well. Funny, I thought they were made out of plastic and could just go into the regular recycle bin (which is what we do now and have done for years). Apparently not. These bags are in need of their own separate bin. They are very special recyclables in need of special status. But the weirdness continues.

The instructions that came with the new blue can had two parts. First of all, you put the bags into the new bin, which you then put into the regular recycling bin. Ok, not even I am foolish enough to think that the trashmen are going to fish the small blue can out of the big blue can each week and put the contents of the two in separate places. That really is just too much to ask of anyone, especially someone on a government salary.

But the really weird and equally hilarious part is the second part of the instructions. The don't just want us to put the used bags into the little can and then put the little can into the big can. We are supposed to put the used bags into a larger bag, put that bag into the little bin, and put the little bin into the big bin. And so on. And so on. Chip chip chipping away at my tree-hugging ways . . .

But it doesn't stop there. In order to ensure that we proceed as instructed (lest all those very special, albeit used, bags end up mixed in with the rest of the recyclable rabble), not only were we given a new small blue bin, but also what appears to be a lifetime supply of the bags into which we are supposed to put the used bags before putting them into the new bin. Seriously. They gave us a huge roll of the bags. There are literally dozens and dozens of the bags.

In sum, in order to minimize the waste from the grocery store bags, we were given detailed and yet pointless instructions which involved many senseless steps on how to recycle them, along with about a gazillion more bags.

It just doesn't get more ironic than that.

P.S. All you conservatives out there don't get too excited. I'm still a tree hugger and liberal voter.

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