Yet, realizing we all share the same battle is a critical element for our survival as a couple.

I'M GOING TO LOVE YOU FOREVER

The Family that Dines Together Is Less Likely to Whine Separately

    "Babe, remember John and Mary?" Michael said, as he took off his dress shoes and set them next to him. "You know, the Illinois couple that invited us for dinner from the law firm? Well, I heard today that they are divorcing." Michael paused. "I think they were married the same year as us."
     My mind suddenly shifted to memories of John and Mary as a couple. Bur before I could express my surprise at the news, Michael added, "You know, honey, it's kind of sobering to remember that that could have been us."
     Michael and I met as undergraduate students at the University of Texas and instantly became good friends. In this intelligent and tender young man, I found someone with whom I could immediately both joke and be serious with, with perfect ease. We dated, became engaged, eventually marrying after college graduation. And we now joke that we've had at least 16 good years (out of 20 that we've been married!) together.
     I can honestly say that when Michael and I married I had no idea what it really meant to say "forever," even to Michael. Not really. I fully believed that Michael and I wanted to make God first in our marriage. I knew in my heart that we loved each other. And I trusted that God would supply what we needed to make it work.
     But there have been times over the years when none of these truths made Michael and I like each other any better. And there was at least one serious point in our relationship when being apart would have been both easier and more comfortable for both of us.
     A good friend recently shared with me the sadness he feels over the number of marriages around him that are breaking up. Like William Wallace in the battle scene of the movie "Braveheart," he said, we are charging into battle, yet to our left and to our right we can see our friends going down in the battlefield.
     This can be truly disheartening.
     Yet, realizing we all share the same battle is a critical element for our survival as a couple. Michael and I know we are not above the struggles and the temptations faced by other couples. We know firsthand how hard it is to work at keeping a marriage not only together bur growing and thriving. Over the years, we have learned that all marriages go through cycles that resemble, for lack of a better image, roller coasters. There are moments when we are so in tune to each other and to each other's needs that we can, literally, finish each other's sentence and be accurate! Bur there are low moments in this rollercoaster ride when everything seems difficult, nothing that we do seems to please our partner, and everything that he or she does annoys us.
     As with other intimate relationships in our life, this is normal. And it, too, shall pass.
     As Michael and I change, as we grow, as we face new stages of life, we will either grow closer or further apart. There is no standing still. But as Catholic Christians, we also know that our marriage consists not of two, but of three distinct but intertwined entities: Michael and me - and God.
     For Michael and me, the painful memories of those "lost" good years that we joke about keep us aware of our humanity and humbly focused on God. We know that our marriage will continue to have up and down roller-coaster cycles. We know there may be times of serious struggle in the future. We realize that at times we won't even like each other. And we acknowledge there are times when we need someone else's help to sort through whatever it is that keeps us from seeing in each other the image of God.
     Bur we also know, with total certainty, that we remain committed to each other and to our relationship. We believe in the grace and the blessing of the Sacrament of Matrimony. And we testify through our life together that, although I may not know how to love one man forever, God will bless my faithfulness and my desire.