Yet to realize that people often judge a book strictly by its cover is one of life's most difficult lessons.

ONE OF LIFE'S DIFFICULT LESSONS

Judging a Book By Its Cover

    I couldn't help but smile as I watched my eighth-grader go up the center aisle, bow slightly at the altar, then proceed to the lectern. From my seat behind the fifth-grade class, I glanced at the sea of heads before me, reminiscing briefly about the many years I've enjoyed school Mass with my children. That weekly celebration, amidst giggles and squirmy seats, inevitably reminds my heart to thank God for the gift of children - and for the Catholic educators who devote their lives to them.
     Michelle did a beautiful job proclaiming the first reading. As I hugged her on her way back to class, I was thankful that she's willing to share her gifts, knowing from my own experience how important it is for the younger grades to have "big kids" they can emulate.
     As Michelle joined me after school, however, I knew the rest of her school day had not been as good. I gave her a chance to settle in, allowing a brief silence in the car before speaking. "So, tell me about your day. . . what's gone on since I last saw you," I began. "And, by the way, honey, you did a beautiful job reading this morning."
     Michelle let out a grunt, then finally blurted out: "I wish I had never agreed to lector. All it did was get me in trouble."
     "What? You were wonderful."
     "Yeah, tell that to the mother who complained to the assistant principal about my hair."
     "Your hair?!" I put on the breaks so hard that we both did a little jolt in the car seat. "What's wrong with your hair?" I asked, incredulous.
     "Someone wrote an anonymous note saying that today's lector, Miss Scaperlanda, had hair color that was distracting at Mass," Michelle paused. "So I got in trouble for being up there."
     Before I could say anything, I glanced at the mopey 13-year-old sitting beside me with tears in her eyes. Instead of talking, I reached across the van, gently putting my hand around her neck. 'Tm so sorry, honey." I wasn't sure what else I could - or should say. So I stopped.
     Michael and I have always emphasized to our children the importance of obeying rules, whether in Catholic school or at our public high school. Obviously, learning to obey - and to do so with a good attitude - is something we value.
     Ironically, in this instance, when Michelle approached us about the idea of coloring her hair, one of the things we discussed was the importance of making sure that this did not challenge her school's rule, which is to have hair color that appears "natural." My strawberry-blond daughter picked a beautiful shade of red that actually matched the hair color of several children I saw at the school Mass that day.
     I believe in picking my battles. Our children know how we feel about things like modest dress, 'church attire and extra piercings - and these rules have not been challenged. I see hair color as one area where we can bend to their personal preferences, within reason. No one has opted for a primary color on top of their head, yet!
     It saddened me to realize that someone had chosen not to see Michelle's generous heart and the joy with which this teenager shared the Word of God. Yet, to realize that people often judge a book strictly by its cover is one of life's most difficult lessons. My children must be aware that the way they dress, like the way they act, does "speak" to the people around them long before hearing the words they say. That, too, is a reality. The next day, fortunately, the principal, who had complimented Michelle on her beautiful red hair, judged her color was, indeed, "natural."
     That night, however, I reminded Michelle that God loves her heart, not her hair color. I stressed the importance of being obedient at school. Our actions should reflect the faith we profess. But I added that it's not enough to have the right appearance or to do the proper acts. Attitude is everything. Ultimately, God wants our hearts to become and embody Love.
     As God said to the prophet Samuel: "Do not judge from his appearance or from his lofty stature" which one of Jesse's sons would become the next king of Israel. "Not as man sees does God see, because man sees the appearance but the Lord looks into the heart" (1 Sm 16:7).