Will they call themselves Cuban? Will they practice their Spanish? Will they know how to cook black beans and empanadas?!

QUINCEAÑERA, SPEAKING SPANISH

And Being Family

    "I just don't understand," I said, trying my best not to sound exasperated with my sensitive teenage daughter. "I thought you said you wanted to celebrate your 15th birthday in a special way, that you wanted to follow the Cuban tradition!"
     "Ahh, mom!" Rebekah threw her arms up in the air, again. "I never said I wanted to do it THAT way. I do want a special celebration for my 15th," she offered. "But my friends are not going to understand all that. . . stuff"
     In the Hispanic tradition, when a young woman turns 15, the family throws a special party - not just to celebrate her coming of age, but also to celebrate publicly what is important in her life. AI; is true with many other Hispanic traditions, the "quinceañera," meaning, literally, the "15th" celebration, revolves around the Church and begins with a Mass.
     Although some country's traditions, such as the Mexican quinceañera, can be quite elaborate, the Cuban quinceañera tradition - as well as my own personal family's celebration of it - has been simple, but special.
     When my oldest daughter turned 15, Anamaría chose to have a Mass said at home, followed by a party. Our pastor agreed, and thanks to him and to a good friend who led the music, the Mass was bilingual and beautiful. Many of her friends who came from the basketball team and the debate team at the high school were not Catholic, but we answered questions and tried our best to explain both the religious and the ethnic aspects of the evening. It was wonderful.
     My second daughter, however, did not want to do a Mass at home, "like her sister." So the conversation then became, how do "you" want to do it? While teaching them about my own ethnic traditions -like the quinceañera - and passing on to them pride about the culture they share with me, I've also tried to be respectful of the fact that my children are only half Cuban. And I want to be mindful of the fact that each of my children will live out and portray his or her ethnic background in a unique and personal way.
     Passing on my Cubaness to my children has always begun with sharing the stories of my own life. I've also worked Cuban traditions into our family's traditions -like the type of food we eat or the music that we listen to. I very much want for my children to know and understand the rich and spiritual traditions of my Cuban culture. I very much desire for them to claim at least some of these traditions as their own, to weave them into the fabric of their own lives. And I certainly want them to speak English, and Spanish, my first language!
     Yet, as is true with so many aspects of our children's upbringing, I simply can't make them. I can ' show them. I can share with them. I do invite them.
     Bur I can't make them. In a very real way, I see my role as a parent as one who is responsible for presenting and introducing my children to what I know about life, including how to celebrate and live it.
     The fact is, they can't stand on their own unless I step back and give them the room to do so. And, as is true of other aspects of their life, they have to choose how they define themselves and how they will live it.

    Will they call themselves Cuban? Will they practice their Spanish? Will they know how to cook black beans and empanadas?! Time will tell.
     Obviously, there is more to being a Catholic Cuban than having a Mass at home for your quinceañera. Rebekah has said, and shown me in many ways, that her sense of Cubaness is very important to her, second only to her being Catholic. And she continually teaches me that there are new and often unforeseen (to me!) ways that she lives out her culture and her faith.
     So I guess it's finally here. The circle of learning is now complete, and it is my turn to stand back in awe at how marvelous God's circle of life really is.