How to make 30 gal of beer.

Find a large metal container. It is best if this is not made of poisonous metal. Place on top of a dangerous-looking burner connected to a propane tank by a short-ish hose. Fill container with water.

Cover with a heat shield made from a garbage can with the bottom sawed off. Light the burner with care.

Add malt extract…

and stir vigorously.

Add hops,

Wait for mixture to boil over. Shut off the heat and wait for the foam to go down. Turn the heat back on and peer into the vat, ready to spring into action if it tries to boil over again.

Recover from all this stress and exertion.

Can’t sit around too long. We need someplace to put the batch that’s in the fermenter. Time to wash some kegs.

Get the fermenter out of the cold room. It weighs about 350 lbs.

Employ manly arts to move it into position…

…beneath a chain hoist that we use to raise it about 3 ft.

Put priming sugar into the clean kegs so they’re ready to be filled.

You know, filling these kegs is starting to look like a lot of work, and would involve a lot of bending over and everything. We’d better find a kid to do it for us. Show him how to operate the valve.

Before filling all the kegs, send a sample to quality control.

Quality control signals approval, though it appears he may have been working too hard.

Get that kid to work!

Now the fermenter is empty and the new batch is cool. Put it in the fermenter along with water to make 30 gal.

Seal up the fermenter.

Enthusiastically lash the fermenter to the dolly…

…and wrestle it back into cold storage.

Be careful where you step when you’re cleaning up!

Wow. That was hard work. Time for a break.

The end.