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Archives April, 2004May 06, 2004 May 05, 2004 The attack of the Cicadas...
Bugs' Life: Get Over It Am I the only one that feels this way about bugs? C'mon guys, I can't be the only one! Let me know how you are with bugs... May 04, 2004 Interim (read: not REAL) update:re: What a Tough Crowdsilvermyst_ashke: those jokes were preeeety bad. bane_vixen: and i agree with silvermyst_ashke. the jokes were BAD. =) Duh, they were supposed to be. Haven't you guys ever heard of Henny Youngman? He is one of the original stand up comics from the 40s-early 60s. While his jokes are very bad, they were the standard once upon a time, and all current comics should know and revere him, although they will agree with you that these jokes are not very funny anymore. The first three jokes--Ladies and Germs, tired arms, and the infamous take my wife, PLEASE--are from his routine that I remember. A student reminded me yesterday that Data on ST:TNG paid a similar homage. When the android was trying to learn "humor", he practiced a comic routine which included the line: Take my Worf... Please! Hahahahhaa. But you gotta know the original to appreciate the parody. This particular line is even included in Bartlett's Familiar Quotations... So how many of you recognized it, I wonder? Anway, the previous blog included six (6) distinct Xangans besides the Vixen and me. Can you name them? Hint: They are all regular commentors on the O-man's site. May 03, 2004 What a tough crowd!The smell of stale beer is barely masked by the haze of cigarette smoke in this nondescript club at a rundown resort on the back roads of Xanga. The stage is black, the back curtains, too. The bartender busily washes dirty, lipstick-smeared glasses behind a bar where only one customer sits. Hunched over a drink he's been nursing for twenty minutes, Mumbling as he flips through the pages of a Constitutional Law textbook. "Damn, I knew that answer..." There are twenty-one tables haphazardly placed in front of the stage, but only six are occupied, two or three patrons per. Men and women, all drinking, taking turns waving their cigarettes around importantly as they try to out-impress each other with blogs of their narcissistic lives. The conversations are fragmented. "I was gonna go incognito, but I just can't leave y'all." "I was stabbed once." "Look at the pics of our Luau! I wuvs my Spidey." "Damn, I got a speeding ticket on my way home from Tallahassee." The three-piece band--drum, sax and bass--strikes up an introductory ditty, but they barely notice the nervous looking comic approaching the microphone at center stage. He's in formal attire: black tie and seaweed. "Good evening, Ladies and Germs." The drummer strikes his drum to signal the punch line. ba-da-boom. "I just flew in from Virginia, and man! Are my arms tired!?!" ba-rum-pum The audience stops chatting and stares at the stage in silence. Not even the tinkle of an ice cube. "But seriously folks, where I'm from, the news is that there are going to be a lot of bugs comin' out of the ground for the first time in 17 years. All the women are worried about cicadas flying into their hair. Take my wife... PLEASE!" ba-rum-pum In the back of the room, a man carrying a painting of his dog coughs once... twice. "Ahem." The guy in the seaweed suit clears his throat and loosens his collar, beads of sweat shine on his forehead. He squints his eyes and looks over the foot lights. "Is everyone sitting on their hands? You guys remind me of an old Zen koan. Sound rike one hand krapping." He says in a phony Japanese accent. The crowd buzzes at this pathetic attempt at humor. "Excuse me? Did you say somthing? You there, lady. Wanna share what you just said?" bane_vixen: this is all fine and dandy, but i'm waiting for a REAL update. ahem...... (Posted 5/2/2004) Whew, what a tough crowd! I shoulda practiced my routine in the Catskills before taking it on "The Road to Xanga". You know, the movie where Bob Hope and Bing Crosby meet Dorothy Lamour? No wait, that was Zanzibar. Anyway, with my luck, the Vixen would have made the trip to whatever lonely club I was at in the Catskills--only a couple of hours away from the Badda-Bing--to razz me there, as well. Sheesh! Okay, Vixen, just for you, I'll put a little more effort into these updates... Hehehehe. But she's kinda right. Posting Q & A can be boring to some. I suppose many just skim through them and if they recognize his/her name they read that part, then move on. Besides, I've been giving her a hard time on her recent entries, so I guess I deserve a little razzing from her. And her quotes can be so sarcastic--I love that, y'know--that it becomes fodder for my own entries. Thanks, girl. But really, is there actually a standard for a "REAL" update? Speaking of which, Ms. Vixen, how's your yoga-stalking eye-candy dude? Has he approached you yet? Have you approached him? Or are you still warming up your lips? Anyway, I'll try to keep up to your standards, but I will continue with the occasional Q & A cuz I like the format of having a dialog--albeit it an artificial one--to respond to questions that I think more than the inquirer might be interested in... So what constitutes a REAL update to you? May 02, 2004 Weekend fluff...Now I should be grading, but I always seem to find myself in the brutal clutches of Xanga. Anyway, it's Sunday and time for some fluff. Random O-man records:Most servings of rice in conventional rice bowl: 12 servings, 1973 (18 years old). I ate it with tororo imo (long mountain potato), grated to a gooey consistency and poured over the rice. I think one of the workers told me that if I ate it, it would give my stamina for... you know, like oysters... Most beers in one sitting: I remember a hot summer night in in Hachioji, Tokyo when I drank mug after mug of beer with M, just to see how much we could put away. I don't remember exactly how many mugs I had, but I do remember calculating it to be about 5 large soda bottles. In Japan that would be 1.5 liters per, so that's about 7.5 quarts. That's equivalent to 15 pints at a bar or 3 six-packs + 2 at home... *belch* I can't do that now... Most Comments/E-props, one entry: 53 comments, 94 e-props, February 18, the day I said I was leaving... Most Xanga hits, one day: 331 hits, April 28, 2004. I was on Featured Content so in reality it was a bunch of people who clicked on it, then disappeared into the night. If you are one who came randomly through Featured Content and decided to subscribe, leave a comment and let me know. Just curious... The Movie I have seen the most: Tampopo. I just love this movie. I've lost count, but I must have seen it at least 20 times... which is a lot for me, who rarely sees movies twice. The Movie I have seen the most in a movie theater: The Exorcist. 1973. This movie was so popular, it was amazing. I guess we all wanted to see Linda Blair screw her head 360°, masturbate with a crucifix and spew projectile vomit. We were rewarded in spades. The first time I went, I stood in line for 5 hours at the National in Westwood. The line went around the block and when it reached the theater from the other side, I doubled back. My friends and I took turns waiting to stretch our legs and go on bathroom breaks... I heard that the MacDonald's in Westwood had record sales in the first month of the movie. Speaking of which... Most food at MacDonald's: Certainly not something to brag about, but one day in high school, we had a pig out contest at MickeyD's. I ate 3 Big Macs, 1 fish fillet, 2 cheeseburgers, 3 fries (they only had one size back them, as I recall), an apple pie and two strawberry shakes. And lost... the winner started with 5 Big Macs. We were in awe... Most I've ever weighed: 182 pounds. And this is all bad weight. I rarely exercised from my mid-20s and early 30s, so the 182 was all fat. When I look at photos now, I think I looked pretty disgusting... Least I've ever weighed (as an adult): 118 pounds. this is how much I weighed after I came back from Japan the first time, January 1975. I was 19. I ate little and walked a lot over there. Some thought I was sick. I had a 28 inch waist. Most students registering for Bungo (literary Japanese): 15 for Fall 2004. This is also the first time I reached the cap for this course. I am awed... and a little intimidated. I guess I have to teach this course like a real course... Most Xanga Subscriptions in a month: 20 new subscribers in April 2004 (does not include sutdents/Xangans I already knew). I am again awed, and a lot intimidated to think this many people think this blog is an interesting read. Maybe it was the onsen diaolog... What do you think? 10,000th hit: Simply Marie 20,000th hit: Detachable 25,000th hit: ? Any questions? Re: Fuyuki's questionsfooky11: oh, I was wondering what you thought of Mishima's writings... also, have you seen the movie, Kinkakuji? what did you think of that? O-man: I think Mishima was a great writer. His stories are detailed and deep, and he was a strong sense of his tradition. Indeed, his nationalist tendancies provided fodder for his many books, including Kinkakuji--I never saw the movie--and Runaway Horses. But my favorite book is Confessions of a Mask. Although it is about his struggles with homosexuality, it can be seen as the struggle any young man feels about his sexuality and place in society. fooky11: so, what do you think about professors who introduce themselves using their first names and tell their students to call them by their first names? All of my professors from the education dept. did that. my violin teacher, who is Korean, told her American students to call her by first name but she told me to call her sonsennim, which means "teacher" in Korean... O-man: I don't think anything. Each individual has their own relationship with students. I guess I'm old school. Actually--at the risk of sounding immodest (nothing new)--I like to think of myself as a good combination of both old and new; I provide structure and a little social discipline but academic and intellectual freedom. I allow my students to voice any opinion... You're violin teacher is unusual, I think. She is holding you to a different standard, which is one thing I would never do. I treat my students equally. I know there are students in my Lit or Film class who think that I give extra consideration to my Japanese majors in class. But if you ask the Majors, you'd hear the opposite. I am as strict and demanding. But they tell me they are relieved, because they know I don't show favortism toward anybody and so they rest assured they will not be treat unfairly. And they seem satisified with that, despite my demands. And some call me prof, some sensei, some both depending on their mood. fooky11: oh ya, can I still call you "dad"??? O-man: You can call me anything you want... But what would your real Dad say? Wouldn't he be upset if he heard that? Think about him, too... May 01, 2004 Q & AOn Eating Grass (4/28)Mr_Mephisto: I can't imagine what you were thinking!?! Eat something on fire?! Thats like Fear Factor stuff. O-man: I don't know what I was thinking either. I guess eating a lit stick would be like a stunt on Fear Factor, except I didn't get any prize money for doing it. avidevi: That's desperation. Or being really high. cause the whole time I was thinking "why didn't he just spit on it or something?" O-man: Indeed, I was desperate. Had I been sober, I like to think that I was smart enough to spit on it, but I was neither sober nor smart. But I was young, inexperienced and panicking like crazy, so hey, I did what I did. I ain't proud of it, but it makes for a good story. I do, however, think that these experiences allow me to relate better with my students. Not that I'm mister cool or anything, but I am definitely no mister "ivory tower". I've done a lot of stupid things in my life and I figure, anything my students might do, I have probalby done worse... hoymahal: nice story, hahahaha...how did you feel after you ate it? O-man: I felt sick from the taste, but otherwise I was okay. Of course, had I known then that charred food can be carcinogenic, I might have had second thoughts... or not... crotchety_old_man: stash huh?? u ever get the band started? or were u too busy runnin from LAPD? O-man: Yeah, we thought the name of our band was cool. Everybody liked it. Especially the girls. And we did start the band. I will write about it someday when I'm in the mood, but you can read about some of it in NLUTE. We never had to run from LAPD, but we did get busted by the LA County Sheriffs once for disturbing the peace. The neighbors complained to the man when we kept practicing until 11 PM. "Free Ride by Edgar Winters can get a little loud... Link_Strife: Voz and Diddily. Sounds like cartoon characters. O-man: Actually those aren't their real names. I'm not about to reveal them here, especially without their permission--if they're still alive that is. I made them up from my imagination. Pretty cool don't you think? hehehehe. Voz was half Asian, half Hispanic and he was the singer. He had a habit like the devil, but a voice like an angel, so I call him Voz which means "voice" in Spanish. Diddly was the drummer. He taught me a particular rhythm called a paradiddle--hence the name Diddly.  It is a four count drum roll that you've all heard: pa-ta-pa-pa / ta-pa-ta-ta / pa-ta-pa-pa / ta-pa-ta-ta. Slap your hands on the table or your knees, right-left-right-right / left-right-left-left, speed up slowly and you'll get the sound..Not that i could ever do it.... SammyStorm: Makes me wonder what's really in the middle of the onigiri, and I don't think its umeboshi. O-man: Hahaha. You never fail to crack me up... But you're suspicions are justified; according to my wife, its mostly fat inside. takunishi79: you and i both... escaping the police on some whim, every time, no? it's really quite a wonder, how often i've been drunk off my ass and made it clear of being caught or dying en route. . . . . SAY NO TO DRUGS! Posted 4/28/2004 O-man: Well, not everytime. But, yes, everyone. Listen to Taku. Say "NO" to drugs. I experimented some when I was young but I don't recommend it to anyone. This recommendation comes with experience. I remember being told to stay off drugs by people who wouldn't know a 'lude from a red, or coke from talc. What they said meant nothing to me, cuz they didn't know what they were talking about. But I did it, and its not a pretty site. I've known my share of addicts. One OD-ed, another from complications due to constant use... Stay clean, friends... Re: To the Sun (4/29)fooky11: what did you think of Mishima Yukio? my mom told me that she his seppuku live on the TV news... O-man: I think your mom saw the incident from the outside. I'm pretty sure there is no footage of the actual seppuku by Mishima. But there was of the aftermath. I only saw the photos. It was pretty disgusting. Mishima was a right wing Nationalist, who wanted to ressurrect Japan as a militarist nation. He was also gay. I wonder how he'd get along with Pat Roberts? AsnHoopla: Did you ever read Memoirs of a Geisha? It's just a good book, that had a lot of contraversy. The geisha that was blamed for the whole book, was asked by her fellow geishas to commit suicide because she had shamed herself, and dishonered the geisha secrets. O-man: No, I haven't read it yet, but it's one of the books I plan to read this summer. Actually, I'm reading the new translation of Genji by Royall Tyler. Anyone wanna join me in a discussion on Xanga about it? Random Questionsgt_ninja: Is the flu mask and sunglasses to keep people from noticing you look like Iron Chef Morimoto? O-man: I was freaking out when I saw Morimoto on Iron Chef America. M was watching it and said, "Don't you kinda resemble him lately?" I had to agree to a degree. I think I'll get serious this summer and lose the pounds... ekin: What's the the SARS profile? lol. O-man: Well, its not SARS, but hay fever. As anyone who has been to Japan will know, people there will wear surgical masks to protect themselves from the pollen. I have a vey low tolerance and so use any and every means to protect myself. The sunglasses are for the scarred eye I've mentioned before. I can't see through it, but it is extremely light sensitive. I am a medical mess. Any doctors out there who wanna work pro bono? fooky11: I also wanted to know how much time you spent writing entries on xanga...? you write SO much!!! Also, what do you make your students to call you by?? what do you think about students calling their professors by their first names??? Posted 4/25/2004 O-man: My students call me sensei. I insist on it. If they refer to another prof, by using their last name only, I'll remind them to use either Prof. as a title or add sensei to the end. I will not stand for students who "name-toss"--in Jp. yobisute. The meaning is perhaps closer to "spitting out a name" and in Japan it indicates the person being "tossed" is an equal or lesser and does not require or deserve the requisite respect. And none should refer to me by my first name. No, that to suggests a lack of respect. I suppose that makes me an anal SOB, but that's the way I am. I've worked hard my life, treat my students with respect and try to help them as much as possible at all times. I believe I have earned my title. But on Xanga, Onigiriman, or O-man is quite sufficient, although some of you already call me sensei... And I spend perhaps too much time writing on Xanga. I used to whip out an entry nonchalantly, but now I will devote an hour--sometimes more--if I really want to make a point. Especially now that I know that some of you actually read my entire posts! It kinda makes the time investment worth it, although I really should use my time more judiciously... Cboy918: Whoever created xanga is brilliant, but I do wonder what it would be like if we were to all meet in person someday? Posted 4/30/2004 O-man: I have always thought the same thing. There are many I would love to meet. Certainly Sammy. We lived in the same part of town in Tokyo and we'd probalby have a lot to talk about. Taku is another JA soul who would be interesting--I wanna know what that knife wound is all about. I'd certainly like to get drunk with Paiky at Orange. And I'd love to meet SleepingCutie and Nefarious. SimplyMarie is a must as well, oh fellow Bruin! And of course, I'm dying to see how Bane the Vixen is... hehehehe.... PaikyPoo: cell phones will bring this world closer to its end... O-man: Here, here. I still don't own a cell phone. I don't need a leash. SleepingCutie: Sensei... I coudln't bear the thought of leaving you. :T So I decided to return.... I'm so sorry to pull a stunt like this. makes me feel really embarrassed in my most inebriated state.... O-man: (-_-).... zettonv: COOL PIC OF YOURSELF ON THE SIDE!!!!!! YEAAAAAA THATS GANGSTER! O-man: Thanks... I think. That's perhaps the most recent photo of me. It was taken by Superbunnyfluff, at the J program flower-viewing o-hanami picnic. That's when we had the jan-ken-pon tournament. |
The cicadas will invade a large portion of the Eastern US, according to reports. But these are not your run of the mill, yearly types. These are cicadas that have lived underground for 17 years--that's right, SEVENTEEN years--before they come to the surface. And once they do, they crave to do the one thing they lived for: to mate and to make baby cicadas. It's almost how I felt. I was sexless for my first 16-17 years, more or less, burrowed in the underground dungeon of my mind, waiting to blossom. Fortunately, I didn't die after I had sex. These poor creatures, once they get their rocks... Wait a minute, this is no time to feel sorry for these bugs. From what I understand after talking to some who have actual cicada experience, its DISGUSTING! They are all over the place. They literally blanket the ground, in what looks like black snow--wait, make that wiggling, squirming black snow. YOu have to walk through it like you walk through snow... Aaaaaargh! Further, they seem to have poor sight so when they fly, they will run right into things, including humans. I'm told not to yawn or even talk when outside... And they make a noise that approaches decibel levels normally associated with jet engines... Oh boy, I can't wait. disgusting on the eyes, frightening to the touch and torture on the ears... The newspapers have been publishing various articles to get people in the mood. Here's an excerpt from the Washington Post, with my immediate reactions in red. Click on the title to read the entire article.
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