Why Using "I" Statements Is So Important! When sharing with an individual or as part of a group, using "I" statements can make a big difference. An "I" statement is sharing in the first person as opposed to using words such as "we", "they", "us" and "you". At first, it may seem like an insignificant detail but using third person statements is distancing and impersonal. It can even be an attempt to sub-consciously control others or place responsibility outside of oneself. Example: "When you get abused, it hurts you". Change this to: "When I got abused, it hurt me". Sharing in the first person promotes self responsibility by divulging information only about yourself. When you are tempted to use the generic form of "you", "we", etc., try to catch yourself and replace it with "I". You'll be surprised how different it feels and how much more you and others get out of your share. It may feel uncomfortable at first. That's because you are casting off your protective shield and revealing the real you. Remember: An "I" statement exercises my self control. "I" statements build my self respect while offering others a true opportunity to have a real relationship with me. Struggling with "I" statements will often reveal the hidden aspects of the issues at hand. If you truly want to disclose your feelings so that you and others can learn more about YOU, use an "I" statement! LINKS: Orange County ACA Home Page The new ACA Blog site Read posts and post your own messages Common Characteristics Does this sound like you? The Problem This is a description, not an indictment The Solution The healing begins when we risk moving out of isolation 12 Steps The pathway to change The 12 Traditions ACA policies and guidelines Other ACA Meetings Links to Online Recovery Resources, Information, Message Boards, Chat Rooms. The Serenity Prayer "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change The courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference."