|
"Active" listening, validation, feedback and empathy are all important parts of the process of connecting with another person's heart. Dr. John Townsend shares key points and pitfalls for those that want to reach out and help by listening and allowing the other person to share and be truly vulnerable. Validation Is Important The Power Of Silence Active Listening Patience In Listening Listening Is Not Agreeing Asking Active Questions Purposes Of Listening Listen To Me When I ask to be listened to but am given advice, I have not gotten what I asked. When I ask to be listened to but am told why I shouldn't feel the way I do, my feelings are being trampled. When I ask others to listen to me and they feel they have to do something to solve my problems, they have failed me and reinforced my feelings of inadequacy. Strange as it may feel... I just need others to listen. I can do for myself. I am not helpless but might be discouraged, fearful or faltering. When individuals do something for me that I can and need to do for myself, they contribute to my fear of inadequacy by sending the message that I can't do it. But, when others accept the simple fact that I feel what I feel, no matter how irrational or uncomfortable, then I can quit trying to convince them and can get about the business of understanding what's behind my irrational feelings. Once that is clear, the answers will come to me through the process, often without advice. During this process I learn to turn to my higher power, face conflict in a healthy way, and gain confidence in my ability to solve problems. BUT, YOU CAN HELP. I am asking you to simply listen. I may need to "blow it" while you stand by and watch me. You may have a hard time letting me fall down. I will be grateful to you if you will think long term and teach me how to trust by your own trust in the process. Instead of attempting a "quick fix", on me, I ask you to let me know you are there beside me when, and if, I ask you for help. If you just accept me and stand by me, you give me courage and power. If you can tolerate my imperfections and show patience in letting me grow at my own pace, you are being the best type of friend I could ask for. So please, give me the gift of listening. LINKS: Orange County ACA Home Page The new ACA Blog site Read posts and post your own messages Common Characteristics Does this sound like you? The Problem This is a description, not an indictment The Solution The healing begins when we risk moving out of isolation 12 Steps The pathway to change The 12 Traditions ACA policies and guidelines Other ACA Meetings Links to Online Recovery Resources, Information, Message Boards, Chat Rooms. The Serenity Prayer "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change The courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference." Active Listening |