Orange County, CA Adult Children Of Alcoholics (ACAs)
The Problem
Many of us found that we had several characteristics in common as a result of being brought up in an alcoholic household.
We had come to feel isolated, uneasy with other people, and especially authority figures. To protect ourselves, we became people pleasers, even though we lost our own identities in the process. All the same, we would mistake any personal criticism as a threat.
We either became alcoholics ourselves or married them or both. Failing that, we found another compulsive personality, such as a workaholic, to fulfill our sick need for abandonment.
We lived life from the standpoint of victims. Having an over-developed sense of responsibility, we preferred to be concerned with others rather than ourselves. We somehow got guilt feelings when we stood up for ourselves rather than giving in to others. Thus, we became reactors, rather than actors, letting others take the initiative.
We were dependent personalities --terrified of abandonment--willing to do almost anything to hold onto a relationship in order not to be abandoned emotionally. Yet we kept choosing insecure relationships because they matched our childhood relationship with alcoholic parents.
These symptoms of the family problem of alcoholism made us "co-victims"--those who take on the characteristics of the problem without necessarily ever taking a drink. We learned to keep our feelings down as children and kept them buried as adults. As a result of this conditioning, we confused love with pity, tending to love those we could rescue. Even more self defeating, we became addicted to excitement in all our affairs, preferring constant upset to workable relationships.
This is a description, not an indictment.
LINKS:
The new ACA Blog site
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Common Characteristics
Does this sound like you?
The Problem
This is a description, not an indictment
The Solution
The healing begins when we risk moving out of isolation
12 Steps
The pathway to change
The 12 Traditions
ACA policies and guidelines
Other ACA Meetings
Links to Online Recovery Resources, Information, Message Boards, Chat Rooms.
The Serenity Prayer
"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change
The courage to change the things I can
and the wisdom to know the difference."
ACA is not allied with any sect, denomination, political entity or institution and does not engage in any controversy; neither endorses or opposes any cause. ACA uses the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions adopted from AA as the principles of our Program of Discovery/Recovery and our guide to living One Day At A Time.
This page is not endorsed by, under the direction of, or affiliated with Adult Children of Alcoholics World Service Organization, Inc., AdultChildren.org, Prince Of Peace Church or any official organization.