Educational

I swear some people just don't think before they speak. Let's just call him a blond guy. He complains to me that my gun is too big to shoot vermin with. He thinks I should be using a 22 and dislikes my 30 cal. He claims it is just over kill. He caught me off guard with this comment. I explained that I could reach out and hit a prairie dog at 300 yard. With your 22 your luck runs out at about 125 yard. He responded buy saying what good is it to hit a prairie dog at 300 yards when your bullet is still traveling over 3000fps. You just explode them like little hand-grenades into red vapor! Well he got me again ??? Then I realized WHO CARES! What are you going to do make a packrat sandwich? Lets hold them up and take pictures with them. Take them to the taxidermist and have them mounted with a sinister look on their little faces. Maybe we could save all the little tiny pelts, sow about 100 of them together and make the wife a nice rat skin jacket. (That would make her the talk of the town!) Maybe we could leave the cute little head attached for a more nostalgic effect. Jackass! I think the red vapor is just fine with me! So what if I can only find the paws, they make cool key chains!

My friend has a wife that likes cats. He never really took to them. He told me that he now really loves cats? Strange?,,,, He tried to explain it to me but it still makes no sense to me? As he explained it to me he was sitting naked one day after taking a shower just watching TV. He was eating a tuna fish sandwich. He dropped some of the tuna and said the cat did a real good job cleaning it up. And thats why he loves cats????? Seems strange to me. Cleaning is the wife's job isn't it ? I guess I don't get it. I still hate the little fur balls but then again I don't like tuna either !

(One of my 3 "I hate horses true stories")
So there we were another try at riding horses. This time it was an organized trail ride since other options didn't work (Story 1&2). We arrive early to be sure to get a horse. As we wait the crowd builds but we have our tickets "COOL". Just before 2:00 (the start of the ride) a cowboy comes out and asks "who can ride a horse" No one response ? Then he asks who has ever ridden a horse before ? No response and this isn't good. Then he asks who has ever seen a horse before ? and no one said a word ! Then he points at me and tells me to wait till everyone else is on their horses and we will bring yours out (this sounds strange?). Finally they bring my horse out, yes he looks a little crazy. The real thing that got my attention was he had 5 legs, 2 in the front and 3 in the back. Oh shit that’s no leg! They assured me it would be OK, "just hold him in the back". I kept looking and there was nothing there to hold on to ???. "And keep him away from the other horses" ??? I can't find the throttle or brake! And how do you steer??? Well everything started just fine until about 20 minutes into the ride. I guess my horse couldn't take it anymore and mounted that pretty little filly in front of us. (mounted; like in humped, porked, screwed, the wild thing.) This is all fine except I am still on this horse. People are screaming (especially the girl on the horse under me) The cowboy is beating my horse with a whip and hitting me to. I am hanging on for dear life.

What did I learn?
1) Horses belong in the freezer next to beef, chicken and cats.
2) If it doesn't have a throttle and brake don't ride it.
3) Other than your wife, if it has a brain it doesn't belong between you legs.