The best way to a man’s heart
is to saw his breast plate open.
Women’s restroom Murphy’s, Champaign, IL

Beauty is only a light switch away.
Perkins Library, Duke University, Durham, NC

I’ve decided that to raise my grades,
I must lower my standards
Houghton Library
Harvard University, Cambridge, MA

Remember, it’s not, “How high are you?”
it’s “Hi, how are you?”
Rest stop off Route 81, West Virginia

To do is to be. - Descartes
To be is to do. - Voltaire
Do be do be do. - Frank Sinatra
Men’s restroom Greasewood Flats, Scottsdale, AZ

It’s hard to make a comeback
when you haven’t been anywhere.
Written in the dust on a bus, Wickenburg, AZ

God is dead. - Nietzsche
Nietzsche is dead. - God
The Tombs Restaurant, Washington, DC

A Woman’s Rule of Thumb:
If it has tires or testicles,
you’re going to have trouble with it.
Women’s restroom Dick’s Last Resort, Dallas, TX

Express Lane: Five beers or less
Sign over one of the urinals
Ed Debevic’s, Phoenix, AZ

You’re too good for him.
Sign over mirror in Women’s restroom
Ed Debevic’s, Beverly Hills, CA.

No wonder you always go home alone.
Sign over mirror in Men’s restroom,
Ed Debevic’s, Beverly Hills, CA