Marriage and Divorce
When seeking a marriage partner
When seeking a marriage partner, prudence is more important than appearance. God's wisdom,
guidance, and blessing are essential if we want to have a happy marriage. A believer should seek to marry
someone who is deeply committed to the Lord Jesus, His word, and the standards of His kingdom. Marriage
to a person of godly character is a special blessing of God. To enter into marriage without the guidance of
God is to invite suffering, regret, and disaster.
- Proverbs 19:14
House and riches are the inheritance of fathers: and a prudent wife is from the LORD.
- Proverbs 18:22
Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD.
There is nothing more powerful and beautiful than expressing mutual love between a man and woman
who are truly committed to each other. Jealousy here can be translated "ardent love." It is as inflexible as "Sheol"
or the grave, a place from which no one can escape. Trying to buy love for money is something to be scorned;
it cannot be done. Similarly, any marriage that is based on the attractiveness of the earthly possessions of either
the husband or the wife is doomed to failure.
- Song of Solomon 8:6-7
Set me as a seal upon thine heart, as a seal upon thine arm: for love is strong as death; jealousy is
cruel as the grave: the coals thereof are coals of fire, which hath a most vehement flame. Many waters
cannot quench love, neither can the floods drown it: if a man would give all the substance of his house
for love, it would utterly be contemned..
When a man gets married
When a man gets married he is to leave his father and his mother and cleave unto his wife. When a man and
a woman marry they become one flesh.
- Genesis 2:23-24
And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman,
because she was taken out of Man. Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall
cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.
God in the beginning ordained marriage and the family unit as the first and most important institution on earth.
- Genesis 1:28
And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth,
and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every
living thing that moveth upon the earth.
God's plan for marriage consists of one male and one female who become "one flesh" (united physically
and spiritually). This instruction excludes adultery, polygamy, homosexuality, immoral living, and unscriptural
divorce.
- Mark 10:7-9
For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife; And they twain shall
be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together,
let not man put asunder.
- Matthew 19:9
And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry
another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.
The people of God were told
not to marry unbelievers.
The people of God were given specific orders from God to not take wives for their sons of heathen
women nor were the people of God to give their daughters to heathen men for wives. The heathen would draw
the children away from God and this would kindle the anger of God against them.
- Deuteronomy 7:1-4
When the LORD thy God shall bring thee into the land whither thou goest to possess it, and hath
cast out many nations before thee, the Hittites, and the Girgashites, and the Amorites, and the Canaanites,
and the Perizzites, and the Hivites, and the Jebusites, seven nations greater and mightier than thou; and
when the LORD thy God shall deliver them before thee; thou shalt smite them, and utterly destroy them;
thou shalt make no covenant with them, nor shew mercy unto them: Neither shalt thou make marriages
with them; thy daughter thou shalt not give unto his son, nor his daughter shalt thou take unto thy son. For
they will turn away thy son from following me, that they may serve other gods: so will the anger of the
LORD be kindled against you, and destroy thee suddenly.
"For the LORD thy God is a consuming fire, even a jealous God" is descriptive phrase that refers to God's holy
jealousy, anger, and judgment against those who depart from His word and righteous ways into some form of
idolatry (Hebrews 12:25,29; Ezekiel 1:13-14,27-28; Daniel 7:9-10; Revelation 1:14-15: 19:11-12). God is a
jealous "God" in that He will not tolerate unfaithfulness (the worship of other gods) on the part of His people.
This type of jealousy is holy and righteous. Likewise, in the marriage union, there should be a holy jealousy that
guards the affection and love of the spouses for each other. Marriage partners must expect exclusive love and
loyalty, demanding that each remain completely faithful and true in the marriage relationship.
- Deuteronomy 4:23-24
Take heed unto yourselves, lest ye forget the covenant of the LORD your God, which he made with
you, and make you a graven image, or the likeness of any thing, which the LORD thy God hath forbidden
thee. For the LORD thy God is a consuming fire, even a jealous God.
The love the two lovers have for each other is genuine and monogamous. There is no desire nor is there room
for any other person. In marriage, there must be such a love for and commitment to each other that faithfulness
to a spouse is of highest importance in our lives.
- Song of Solomon 2:16
My beloved is mine, and I am his: he feedeth among the lilies.
In the Old Testament
Many men were being unfaithful to the wives whom they had married when they were young, they were
seekmg to divorce them, only because they wanted to marry someone else. The Lord detested this kind of selfish
action, stating that He had made a husband and his wife one. Because of their sin, God had turned His back on
the transgressors and refused to hear their prayers.
- Malachi 2:13-15
And this have ye done again, covering the altar of the LORD with tears, with weeping, and with
crying out, insomuch that he regardeth not the offering any more, or receiveth it with good will at your
hand. Yet ye say, Wherefore? Because the LORD hath been witness between thee and the wife of thy
youth, against whom thou hast dealt treacherously: yet is she thy companion, and the wife of thy covenant.
And did not he make one? Yet had he the residue of the spirit. And wherefore one? That he might seek
a godly seed. Therefore take heed to your spirit, and let none deal treacherously against the wife of his youth.
God hates divorce that is initiated for selfish purposes; this kind of divorce is like one covering "violence
with his garment," indicating that unjust divorce is equal in God's sight to gross injustice, cruelty, and murder
(Mat. 19:9).
- Malachi 2:16
For the LORD, the God of Israel, saith that he hateth putting away: for one covereth violence with
his garment, saith the LORD of hosts: therefore take heed to your spirit, that ye deal not treacherously.
God's will for marriage is one mate, one marriage for life.
- Matthew 19:4-6
And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning
made them male and female, and said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave
to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What
therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.
- Genesis 2:24
Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall
be one flesh.
To this Jesus gives an exception, namely, "fornication." Fornication is marital unfaithfulness and includes adultery
or any kind of sexual immorality. Hence, divorce is to be permitted when sexual immorality is involved.
- Matthew 5:31-32
It hath been said, Whosoever shall put away his wife, let him give her a writing of divorcement: But
I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to
commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery.
- Matthew 19:7-9
They say unto him, Why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement, and to put
her away? He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away
your wives: but from the beginning it was not so. And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife,
except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which
is put away doth commit adultery.
The following are important
Biblical facts concerning divorce.
- When Jesus criticizes divorce in Matthew 19:7-8, He is not criticizing a separation because of adultery,
but a divorce permitted in the Old Testament in those cases where a husband discovered premarital
unchastity after the marriage ceremony had taken place. God's desire in such cases was that the two
remain together. However, He permitted divorce due to premarital unchastity because of the hardness
of the people's hearts.
- Deuteronomy 24:1-4
When a man hath taken a wife, and married her, and it come to pass that she find no favour
in his eyes, because he hath found some uncleanness in her: then let him write her a bill of divorcement,
and give it in her hand, and send her out of his house. And when she is departed out of his house,
she may go and be another man's wife. And if the latter husband hate her, and write her a bill of
divorcement, and giveth it in her hand, and sendeth her out of his house; or if the latter husband die,
which took her to be his wife; Her former husband, which sent her away, may not take her again to
be his wife, after that she is defiled; for that is abomination before the LORD: and thou shalt not cause
the land to sin, which the LORD thy God giveth thee for an inheritance.
- In the case of immorality after marriage, the Old Testament law prescribed the dissolving of the marriage
by executing both the offending parties. This, of course, would leave the innocent person free to remarry
(Romans 7:2; 1 Corinthians 7:39).
- Leviticus 20:10
And the man that committeth adultery with another man's wife, even he that committeth adultery
with his neighbour's wife, the adulterer and the adulteress shall surely be put to death.
- Deuteronomy 22:22
If a man be found lying with a woman married to an husband, then they shall both of them die,
both the man that lay with the woman, and the woman: so shalt thou put away evil from Israel.
- Under the new covenant the privileges of the believer are no less. Although divorce is a tragedy,
marital unfaithfulness is such a cruel sin against one's mate that Christ states that the innocent party has
a proper right to end the marriage by a divorce based on adultery. He or she is free to remarry another
believer.
- I Corinthians 7:27-28
Art thou bound unto a wife? seek not to be loosed. Art thou loosed from a wife? seek not a wife.
But and if thou marry, thou hast not sinned; and if a virgin marry, she hath not sinned. Nevertheless such
shall have trouble in the flesh: but I spare you.
- Paul's treatment of marriage and desertion in I Corinthians 7:12-16 indicates that a marriage also may be
dissolved by the desertion of an unbelieving spouse. He further indicates that remarriage by the believer in
such cases is not sin.
- I Corinthians 7:15
But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such
cases: but God hath called us to peace.
- I Corinthians 7:27-28
Art thou bound unto a wife? seek not to be loosed. Art thou loosed from a wife? seek not a
wife. But and if thou marry, thou hast not sinned; and if a virgin marry, she hath not sinned.
Nevertheless such shall have trouble in the flesh: but I spare you.
In the event that an unbelieving partner abandons or divorces a believer, the marriage relation is dissolved
and the believer is freed from his or her former marital obligation.
- I Corinthians 7:15
But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in
such cases: but God hath called us to peace.
"Not under bondage in such cases" means that the believer is released from the marital contract. The
word "bondage" literally means "to enslave"; i.e., the faithful believer is no longer enslaved to his or her
marriage vows. In this case, the abandoned believer would be free to remarry, provided he or she marries
a Christian.
- I Corinthians 7:39
The wife is bound by the law as long as her husband liveth; but if her husband be dead, she is
at liberty to be married to whom she will; only in the Lord.
- Matthew 19:9
And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall
marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.
A woman may not return to her first husband after she has married another man.
- Deuteronomy 24:1-4
When a man hath taken a wife, and married her, and it come to pass that she find no favour in
his eyes, because he hath found some uncleanness in her: then let him write her a bill of divorcement,
and give it in her hand, and send her out of his house. And when she is departed out of his house,
she may go and be another man's wife. And if the latter husband hate her, and write her a bill of
divorcement, and giveth it in her hand, and sendeth her out of his house; or if the latter husband die,
which took her to be his wife; Her former husband, which sent her away, may not take her again to
be his wife, after that she is defiled; for that is abomination before the LORD: and thou shalt not
cause the land to sin, which the LORD thy God giveth thee for an inheritance.
In the New Testament
Jesus changed the rules for divorce by saying that the only reason for divorce is fornication.
Anyone who divorces for other than Biblical reasons and marries again sins against God by committing
adultery. In other words, divorce is not necessarily recognized as right or legitimate by God merely because the
state (or any human institution) legalizes it.
- Malachi 2:12-16
The LORD will cut off the man that doeth this, the master and the scholar, out of the tabernacles of
Jacob, and him that offereth an offering unto the LORD of hosts. And this have ye done again, covering
the altar of the LORD with tears, with weeping, and with crying out, insomuch that he regardeth not the
offering any more, or receiveth it with good will at your hand. Yet ye say, Wherefore? Because the LORD
hath been witness between thee and the wife of thy youth, against whom thou hast dealt treacherously:
yet is she thy companion, and the wife of thy covenant. And did not he make one? Yet had he the residue
of the spirit. And wherefore one? That he might seek a godly seed. Therefore take heed to your spirit, and
let none deal treacherously against the wife of his youth. For the LORD, the God of Israel, saith that he
hateth putting away: for one covereth violence with his garment, saith the LORD of hosts: therefore take
heed to your spirit, that ye deal not treacherously.
- Matthew 19:7-9
They say unto him, Why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement, and to put
her away? He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away
your wives: but from the beginning it was not so. And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife,
except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which
is put away doth commit adultery.
- Mark 10:11-12
And he saith unto them,> Whosoever shall put away his wife, and marry another, committeth adultery
against her. And if a woman shall put away her husband, and be married to another, she committeth adultery.
- I Corinthians 7:15
But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases:
but God hath called us to peace.
The word "fornication" used in both Matthew 5:32 and Matthew 19:9 was translated from the greek word
porneia which means fornication, harlotry, adultery, and incest.
Jesus did not change the law that said that a woman can not return to her first husband if her second husband
dies or divorces her.
- Matthew 5:31-32
It hath been said, Whosoever shall put away his wife, let him give her a writing of divorcement: But
I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to
commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery.
- Matthew 19:3-9
The Pharisees also came unto him, tempting him, and saying unto him, Is it lawful for a man to put
away his wife for every cause? And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made
them at the beginning made them male and female, And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and
mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? Wherefore they are no more twain,
but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. They say unto him, Why
did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement, and to put her away? He saith unto them,
Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning
it was not so. And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall
marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.
- Mark 10:2-12
And the Pharisees came to him, and asked him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife? tempting
him. And he answered and said unto them, What did Moses command you? And they said, Moses suffered
to write a bill of divorcement, and to put her away. And Jesus answered and said unto them, For the
hardness of your heart he wrote you this precept. But from the beginning of the creation God made them
male and female. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife; and they
twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined
together, let not man put asunder. And in the house his disciples asked him again of the same matter. And
he saith unto them, Whosoever shall put away his wife, and marry another, committeth adultery against her.
And if a woman shall put away her husband, and be married to another, she committeth adultery.
- Romans 7:2-3
Know ye not, brethren, (for I speak to them that know the law,) how that the law hath dominion over
a man as long as he liveth? For the woman which hath an husband is bound by the law to her husband so long
as he liveth; but if the husband be dead, she is loosed from the law of her husband. So then if, while her
husband liveth, she be married to another man, she shall be called an adulteress: but if her husband be dead,
she is free from that law; so that she is no adulteress, though she be married to another man.
Be reconciled or remain single
We are told in I Corinthians 7:10-11 that the wife is not to leave the husband and the husband is not to leave the
wife, but, if this happens it is better that they remain single or be reconciled again.
Remember in Deuteronomy 24:2-3 when a second marriage has taken place you can not be reconciled to a
previous spouse.
We are told in I Corinthians 7:12-16 that when you become a believer and your spouse does not that you
are not to put them out but allow them to stay if they want to because by your witness they just might become a
believer. But, if they decide to leave, you are to let them go and not force them to stay.
- I Corinthians 7:10-16
And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband:
But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put
away his wife. But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be
pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away. And the woman which hath an husband that believeth
not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified
by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now
are they holy. But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such
cases: but God hath called us to peace. For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband?
or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save thy wife?
New Testament Church
also told not to marry unbelievers.
We find the New Testament Church getting basically the same instructions about taking the heathen as
wives that was given to the Jews in the Old Testament Scripture. These instructions are for believers who are
preparing for marriage.
- II Corinthians 6:14-18
Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with
unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness? And what concord hath Christ with Belial?
or what part hath he that believeth with an infidel? And what agreement hath the temple of God with idols?
for ye are the temple of the living God; as God hath said, I will dwell in them, and walk in them; and I will be
their God, and they shall be my people.
- Deuteronomy 7:1-4
When the LORD thy God shall bring thee into the land whither thou goest to possess it, and hath
cast out many nations before thee, the Hittites, and the Girgashites, and the Amorites, and the Canaanites,
and the Perizzites, and the Hivites, and the Jebusites, seven nations greater and mightier than thou; And
when the LORD thy God shall deliver them before thee; thou shalt smite them, and utterly destroy them;
thou shalt make no covenant with them, nor shew mercy unto them: Neither shalt thou make marriages
with them; thy daughter thou shalt not give unto his son, nor his daughter shalt thou take unto thy son. For
they will turn away thy son from following me, that they may serve other gods: so will the anger of the LORD
be kindled against you, and destroy thee suddenly.
- Joshua 23:9-13
For the LORD hath driven out from before you great nations and strong: but as for you, no man hath
been able to stand before you unto this day. One man of you shall chase a thousand: for the LORD your God,
he it is that fighteth for you, as he hath promised you. Take good heed therefore unto yourselves, that ye love
the LORD your God. Else if ye do in any wise go back, and cleave unto the remnant of these nations, even
these that remain among you, and shall make marriages with them, and go in unto them, and they to you:
Know for a certainty that the LORD your God will no more drive out any of these nations from before you;
but they shall be snares and traps unto you, and scourges in your sides, and thorns in your eyes, until ye
perish from off this good land which the LORD your God hath given you.
- Ezra 9:10-12
And now, O our God, what shall we say after this? for we have forsaken thy commandments, which
thou hast commanded by thy servants the prophets, saying, The land, unto which ye go to possess it, is an
unclean land with the filthiness of the people of the lands, with their abominations, which have filled it from
one end to another with their uncleanness. Now therefore give not your daughters unto their sons, neither
take their daughters unto your sons, nor seek their peace or their wealth for ever: that ye may be strong,
and eat the good of the land, and leave it for an inheritance to your children for ever.
- Nehemiah 13:23-27
In those days also saw I Jews that had married wives of Ashdod, of Ammon, and of Moab: And their
children spake half in the speech of Ashdod, and could not speak in the Jews' language, but according to the
language of each people. And I contended with them, and cursed them, and smote certain of them, and
plucked off their hair, and made them swear by God, saying, Ye shall not give your daughters unto their sons,
nor take their daughters unto your sons, or for yourselves. Did not Solomon king of Israel sin by these things?
yet among many nations was there no king like him, who was beloved of his God, and God made him king
over all Israel: nevertheless even him did outlandish women cause to sin. Shall we then hearken unto you to
do all this great evil, to transgress against our God in marrying strange wives?
If you are already married
when you become a believer you must
refer to I Corinthians 7:10-16.
- I Corinthians 7:10-16
And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband:
But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband
put away his wife. But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and
she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away. And the woman which hath an husband that
believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him. For the unbelieving husband is
sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean;
but now are they holy. But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under
bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace. For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou
shalt save thy husband? or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save thy wife?
|
