"Filthy Stinking Rich -- Well, Two Out of Three Ain't Bad" - Judy Powell, of Charlottesville, who saw it in Old Orchard Beach, Maine.

"Real Men Don't Waste Their Hormones Growing Hair" -- Raymond Goldberg, of Potomac.

"I Speak Fluent Patriarchy But It's Not My Mother Tongue" -- Sadia Carone.

"I Used Up All My Sick Days So I Called In Dead" -- Vera Rausch, of Rockville, and Dave Dunn, of McCoole, Md.

"Husband and Cat Lost -- Reward for Cat" -- Pam Hanlon, of Gambrills.

"Be Nice to Your Children -- They'll Pick Your Nursing Home" -- Barbara Beall.

"Husbands Should Come With Instructions" -- Robert M. Johnston.

"Upon the Advice of My Attorney, My Shirt Bears No Message at This Time" -- Pauline Wu.

"Even If You Lead a Good Life, Go to Church and Say Your Prayers, You'll Still Go to St. Louis When You Die" -- Anonymous.

"I Want It All and I Want It Delivered" -- Carol Turnage, of Fairfax.

"Life Is Hard; Then You Nap" -- Judith C. Koch, of Silver Spring.

"Frankly, Scallop, I Don't Give a Clam" -- seen on Cape Cod by Kim Milewski, of Waldorf.

"Bigamy Is Having One Wife Too Many. Monogamy Is the Same" -- Bernard Yaboff, of Bethesda.

"I'm Not Suddenly a Dirty Old Man -- I've Been Practicing Since 1943" -- Herman Schwartz, of Takoma Park.

"Happiness Is Seeing Your Mother-in-Law on a Milk Carton" -- Brian Ellingwood.

"Just Give Me Chocolate and Nobody Gets Hurt" -- Karen Reznek.

"Learn from Your Parents' Mistakes -- Use Birth Control" -- Michael Parrish, of Arlington.

"60-Year-Old One Owner Needs Parts Make Offer" -- Hazel A. Garland, of Edgewater.

"I Was Once a Millionaire But My Mom Gave Away My Baseball Cards" -- Marilyn Harris, of Crofton.

"If God Had Wanted Me to Touch My Toes, He Would Have Put Them on My Knees" -- Helen Schell, of Alexandria.

"If You Can Read This, Thank a Teecher" -- Bob Stamper, of Springfield.

"A Nest Isn't Empty Until All Their Stuff Is Out of the Attic" -- Robert Blatt, of Gaithersburg.

"That's It! I'm Calling Grandma!" -- Kay Siderakis, of Takoma Park.

"Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew Up" -- Sydney Ann Barr, of Dunkirk.

"My Designated Driver Drove Me to Drink" -- Anonymous via e-mail.

"I Yell Because I Care" -- Linda Spevack.

"If You Remember the '60s, You Weren't Really There" -- Kathleen Phelps, of Arlington, who spotted it in that cauldron of '60s sentimentality, the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in Cleveland.

"Procrastinate Now" -- Howard Yourow, of Arlington.

"Rehab Is for Quitters" -- Dick Zagby, of Camp Springs.

"Re-Elect Nobody" -- Mickey Gordon, of Fort Defiance, Va.

(Across a drawing of a skeleton) "Waiting for the Perfect Man" -- Rosina Jones, of White Oak.

"My Husband and I Married for Better or Worse -- He Couldn't Do Better and I Couldn't Do Worse" -- Marge Killmon, of Annandale.

"My Dog Can Lick Anyone" -- Frances Reynolds, of Alexandria.

"I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts -- Do You Want Fries With That?" -- Barbara DiRenzo, of Fairfax.

"When the Going Gets Tough, Use Duct Tape" -- Betty Boyd, of Clifton.

"Sleep with a Photographer and Watch Things Develop" -- Betty Collins, of Silver Spring.

"Young at Heart -- Slightly Older in Other Places" -- Betty, again.

(Over a sketch of the Titanic) "The Boat Sank. Get Over It" -- Betty Joe Alexander, of Alexandria, first, then many more.

"I Didn't Drive My Husband Crazy -- I Flew Him There -- It Was Faster" -- Anonymous.

"Never Underestimate the Power of Stupid People in Large Groups" -- Dani Kehoe, of Falls Church, who says an airport security guard in Green Bay, Wis., saw it and offered to buy it then and there.

(On a baby-size shirt) "Party -- My Crib -- Two A.M." -- Doris Stonestreet.

"I Don't Suffer from Insanity -- I'm a Carrier" -- Joe Farrell, of Fairfax.

"Finally 21, and Legally Able to Do Everything I've Been Doing Since I Was 15" -- Casey Conan, of Bethesda.

"El Niño Made Me Do It" -- Sarah Newdorf, of Woodbridge.

"The More I Learn About Women, the More I Love My Car" -- John Sajovec, of Southfield, Mich.

"Aunt Em: Hate You. Hate Kansas. Taking the Dog. Dorothy" -- George Van, who says he bought it just across the river from Kansas, in Kansas City, Mo.

"I'm Not 30. I'm $29.95 Plus Tax" - Danny Keegan, of Washington.

"MEN: No Shirts, No Shoes, No Service/ WOMEN: No Shirts, No Shoes, Free Beer" -- Hampton Williams, of Fairfax.

"You Who Think You Know It All Are Damn Annoying to Those of Us That Do" -- Sara Podolsky.

"I Am the Person Your Parents Warned You About" -- Rachel Friend, of Burke.

"The Two Most Common Elements in the Universe Are Hydrogen and Stupidity" -- Judy Soukup, of Rockville.

"I'm Not Getting Older. I'm Getting Bitter" -- Matthew Randall.

"That Was Zen; This Is Tao" -- Matthew again.

"Fifty Is the Ultimate F-Word" -- Peter Tannenwald, who spotted it in the T-shirt capital of the earth, Rehoboth Beach, Del.

"Aliens Abducted Me, Laser-Photographed My Internal Organs, Dropped Me Off in a Crop Circle, and All I Got Was This Lousy T-Shirt" -- Carol Passar.

"It IS As Bad As You Think, and They ARE Out to Get You" -- Kris Atisso, of Silver Spring.

"I'm on a 30-Day Diet. So Far I've Lost 15 Days" -- Diana Veiga, of Silver Spring.

"Why Is 'Abbreviation' Such a Long Word?" -- Plucked from the Internet by researcher Julie Patel.

"There Are Three Kinds of People -- Those Who Can Count and Those Who Can't" -- the Internet again.

"Beauty Is in the Eye of the Beer Holder" -- and again.

"Shin -- A Device for Finding Furniture in the Dark" -- yet again.

"Familiarity Breeds Children" -- a reader from Bowie who says she has five children.

"Our Parents Were Never Our Age" -- spotted by Ken Bercou aboard a "14-or-so kid in Ocean City."

"Sex Is the Most Fun You Can Have Without Laughing" -- anonymous.

"You Have a Right to Your Opinions. I Just Don't Want to Hear Them" -- Annie McGonigle, of Harper's Ferry, W.Va.

"Proofread Carefully to See If You Any Words Out" -- a "Levey fan from Manassas."

"Your Kid May Be an Honor Student But You're Still an Idiot" -- anonymous.

"When You Do a Good Deed, Get a Receipt, in Case Heaven Is Like the IRS" -- Bill Morse, of Southeast Washington.

"He Who Laughs Last Thinks Slowest" -- Marge Mintz, of Silver Spring.

"I Wouldn't Be Caught Dead with a Necrophiliac" -- Paulette Marsh, of Silver Spring.

"Taxation WITH Representation Isn't So Hot, Either" -- Don Billups, of Boston.

"Sometimes I Fantasize That I'm Rich Enough to Be a Republican" -- from the Internet catalogue of Now and Zen Productions.

"I Killed a Six Pack Just to See It Die" -- also from Now and Zen.

"A Freudian Slip Is When You Say One Thing But Mean Your Mother" -- Paul Marks, of Philadelphia.

"Democracy Is Mob Rule with Income Taxes" -- anonymous.

"Disregard Last T-Shirt" -- Harriet Wiesenthal, of Rockville, who saw it on the boardwalk at Ocean City.

"I Do Whatever the Voices Tell Me to Do" -- Steve Wright.

"I'm Retired and This Is As Dressed Up As I'm Gonna Get" -- Gilda Dickstein.

"Growing Old Is Mandatory -- Growing Up Is Optional" -- Dave Metzger, who noticed it in Cape May, N.J.

"If I Could Remember Your Name, I'd Ask You Where I Left My Keys" -- Todd Rich.

On the front of the shirt: "How Many Lawyers Does It Take to Change a Light Bulb?" On the back of the shirt: "How Many Can You Afford?" -- Jane Chambers, of Falls Church.

"God Is Love -- But Get It in Writing" -- Millie Basiliko, of Northwest Washington.

"I'm Not 50 -- I'm 18 with 32 Years Experience" -- Ronnie Urbont, of Columbia.

"Mothers of Teenagers Know Why Animals Eat Their Young" -- Pat Koglin, of Warrenton.

"My Wife Says I Don't Listen to Her -- At Least That's What I Think She Says" -- anonymous e-mailer.

"Sex With You Was So Good That Even the Neighbors Had a Cigarette" -- Carl McAtee, of University Park.

"I Will Sleep When I Am Dead" -- Alice M. Johnston, of Locust Grove, Va.

"Over the Hill? What Hill? I Didn't See Any Hill!" -- Lorna Dunklee, of Haymarket.

"I'm Not Unemployed -- I'm a Consultant" -- Dianne Zeitler, of Ellicott City, who admits to being a consultant.

(Aboard a man at an Orioles game) "My Wife Thinks I'm at a Promise Keepers Meeting" -- Leesa DiBartola.

"All I Ask Is That You Treat Me No Differently Than You Would the Queen" -- Phil Noon, of Northwest Washington.

And last but not least, "Goodbye Tension, Hello Pension" -- John Craig, of Centreville.