* A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
* For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
* Never do your best card tricks for the group you play poker with.
* Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view.
* To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
* The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
* A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
* If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.
* Don't sweat petty things....or pet sweaty things.
* A fool and his money are fun to party with.
* Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
* Always try to be modest. And be damn proud of it!
* If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.
* Drugs may lead to nowhere, but at least it's the scenic route.
* Death to all fanatics!
* Chastity is curable, if detected early.
* Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.
* Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
* Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
* 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
* 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
* A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
* If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.