For those of faith, life is said to be a preparation for a greater life to come. Furthermore, that the next life will be a better and more satisfying life. Have you wondered why people of faith, may grieve so intensely if they really believe that their loved one has gone to a better place? Have you personally experienced intense grief over the loss of someone that you know is better off and wondered why? Did this cause you to question your faith?
In the absence of knowledge about the process that we go through while grieving, we most often ask the wrong questions and are further frustrated with the lack of or the inadequacy of the answers provided by well meaning people around us.
I want to share some of the thoughts and sustaining processes that I have gone through during personal losses and while going through the process with close friends. Once we get past the inevitable denial stage, our natural inclination is to ask "why". Why me? Why my loved one? It isn't fair so why did it happen? Dwelling on this line of questioning will only serve to increase our frustration and despair. There is no adequate answer available in earthly terms for this theological and philosophical question. Many answers are offered as reasons but they always leave some element of the question lingering. It is best to accept the fact that the answers will come for those of faith, but, not in this life time.
I believe that a significant portion of the grieving we go through is not because of the loss of the one we care about, but, more for a loss of part of ourselves. When we lose someone close to us we actually lose part of who we are and we suddenly realize, even if subconsciously, that we will never again be who we were before. We are frightened to become who we are about to become because we don't know how to be that new person . Without realizing it, we are grieving for our former selves. Not realizing this makes dealing with it virtually impossible.
This is where our faith plays its most important role. We must be patient and find solace in knowing that God will lead us and give us the strength to become the new person we will be. And further, that as we become that person, we will learn to live, laugh, and enjoy life again. I am not implying that the process will be painless, but that we have help available and that there is hope for a brighter day. It helps to understand what is going on in our hearts, why we are feeling what we are feeling. With this realization it will be easier for our faith and the love of caring friends to help us get on with our growth as a new person and return to the joys of living.
DAN ROBLING©1994