Our Story :: Andrea's View [1 of 3]

Ryan and I met through our church, New Convenant, where I had been attending since approximately October 1999, shortly after I moved to Tucson, Arizona. God had New Covenant be a haven and restful place to begin healing from the demise of my last romantic relationship. This is the mental state in which Ryan met me when he came back to the states in 2000. As he said, we were in the same Bible study group until the close of New Covenant around September of 2001; therefore, we met together with groups at least once a week. I thought of Ryan as a good friend, someone who I always felt comfortable opening up to and sharing my heart with (as much as a friend does with someone of the opposite gender). I could always open up to Ryan without feeling judgment. Ryan was also my first male friend who was completely platonic in my mind (at least most of the time). He became an example to me of how Christian men are to respond to and treat women.

There were times when I looked at Ryan and had thoughts of Ryan as more than a friend. These were thoughts that I did my best to keep short and fleeting because he was my friend and it wasn't right in my mind to look at him that way; besides, we were so different (or so I thought at the time). This romantic gaze (which he thankfully never saw) occurred especially when we were working together on a trip in the Czech Republic. This was a trip in which I didn't even know that it was God's will for me to go until several days into the English camp where we were both teaching. Thanks to Ryan encouraging me to go, I found great healing and freedom in sharing my story with strangers.

After the trip in the Czech Republic, there were a few gatherings with mutual friends and invitations by phone or e-mails from Ryan. I often thought that these invitations were very date-like, which scared the heebie-jeebies out of me because Ryan seemed like a serious guy in this arena, and seriousness where I couldn't play games scared me. So I ran from any deeper connection with Ryan.

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