Skulltron, Evil Lord of the Underworld Teaches Bicycle Safety
an original screenplay

Skulltron is a menacing figure in a black cloak and a skull mask.
Skulltron: Greetings, puny mortals. I am Skulltron, dark lord of the dead, and tyrannical ruler of the underworld. After your short, inconsequential, physical existence comes to an end, you can look forward to an eternity of pain and suffering. So why risk cutting your time here on earth short by not following a few basic rules of bicycle safety? Here to help me, as always, is my sidekick Cranium-Boy.
Cranium-Boy enters, wearing a silly monster mask. He is carrying a stack of boxes, and trips.
Cranium-Boy: Whoa-oa-oa! I just thought I would drop in. Ha!
Skulltron: (chuckles) Now that Cranium-Boy has arrived, let's begin.

Skulltron snaps his fingers and he and Cranium-Boy disappear, then materialize on an empty street. In front of them is a small bicycle.
Cranium-Boy: Yippee! Let's ride a bike!
Skulltron: Wait a minute, Cranium-Boy. Aren't you forgetting something?
Cranium-Boy: Oh yeah. Now where did I put my helmet?
Cranium-Boy looks around for his helmet. Skulltron snaps his fingers, and it appears in Cranium-Boy's hands.
Cranium-Boy: How did that get there?
Skulltron: Children, always remember to wear your helmet. It could save your life.
Cranium-Boy puts his helmet on his arm.
Cranium-Boy: All right, Skulltron. I'm ready to ride.
Skulltron: No, Cranium-Boy. Where do we wear our helmet?
Cranium-Boy: Oh yeah, on our heads.
He puts the helmet on his head.
Skulltron: Did you remember to buckle your helmet straps?
Cranium-Boy: But Skulltron, only babies wear their helmet straps.
Skulltron: Let me show you a little film, Cranium-Boy.

Skulltron Snaps his fingers and they appear in a darkened room.
Cranium-Boy: All right, a movie! Where's the popcorn?
Skulltron starts the film projector. Onscreen, a child is saying goodbye to his mother.
Johnny: Goodbye, mom.
Mother: Goodbye Johnny, and be careful.
Johnny: Oh, mom. You know I'm always careful.
Mother: That may be true, but be sure to fasten your helmet straps.
Johnny gets on his bicycle.
Johnny: I don't need to buckle my straps. None of the cool kids are doing it. Besides, I'm just going to the store for soda pop. What's the worst that could happen?
He rides off, and is immediately hit by a truck. His mother is shown weeping.
Mother: If only he had worn his helmet straps.
Skulltron stops the projector.
Skulltron: I know it might seem "square" to wear your helmet straps, but it might save your life, and there's nothing "square" about that.
Cranium-Boy: Okay. I'll wear my straps.
Skulltron points to the camera.
Skulltron: And so should you.

Skulltron snaps his fingers, and they appear back on the street.
Cranium-Boy: All right, Skulltron. I'm ready to ride.
Skulltron: Not so fast. Did you remember to put on your pads?
Cranium-Boy: But Skulltron, I want to ride now.
Skulltron: Do you know who else didn't take the time to put on his pads? Little Johnny from the film. And now he's dead.
Cranium-Boy: All right. I'll wear my pads.
Skulltron snaps his fingers, and pads appear on Cranium-Boy.
Cranium-Boy: Wowie! I wish I could do that!
Cranium-Boy snaps his fingers, and the bicycle turns into a piņata.
Cranium-Boy: Oh no. Now I'll never get to ride.
Skulltron: Oh, Cranium-Boy, will you ever learn?
Skulltron snaps his fingers and the piņata turns back into a bicycle.
Cranium-Boy: Yippee! Now I get to ride my bike!
Skulltron: Did you remember to check that your bicycle is properly functioning?
Cranium-Boy: No.
Skulltron: Well, we can check your bicycle together, with a little help from my friends.
Three small children run up to Skulltron.
Children: Hi Uncle Skulltron.
Skulltron: Hi, kids. I understand that you are going to show Cranium-Boy how to check his bike before going for a ride.
Children: Yeah!
Child One: Check to make sure that your bicycle chains are well-oiled and not rusty.
Child Two: Check your tires, to make sure that they are properly inflated and aligned correctly.
Child Three: Make sure that your seat is at the right height, and that your feet can reach the pedals.
Child One: Make sure that the handlebars are tight enough.
Child Three: Make sure that the brake pads are properly adjusted, and not worn.
Child One: Make sure that your reflectors are well-visible, and not cracked.
Children: Then you are ready to ride.
Skulltron: Thanks, kids.
Cranium-Boy: Am I finally ready to ride?
Skulltron: Yes you are.
Cranium-Boy: But there's one thing I forgot.
Skulltron: What's that?
Cranium-Boy: I don't know how to ride a bike.
Cranium-Boy rides offscreen and we hear the sounds of a crash. Skulltron laughs and points to the screen.
Skulltron: But I hope you do. Happy and safe riding, kids.

CURTAIN

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