Proposed new Surgeon General warning labels for alcohol.........
     
1. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to wake up with breath
   that could knock a buzzard off a shit truck at 100 yards.
     
2. WARNING: consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an
   asshole.
     
3. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring
   story over and over again until your friends want to SMASH YOUR HEAD IN.
     
4. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish.
     
5. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the boss what you
   REALLY think while photocopying your butt at the office Christmas party.
     
6. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers
   are really dying for you to telephone them at 4 in the morning.
     
7. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell
   ever happened to your pants anyway.
     
8. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the
   morning and see something really scary (whose species and or name you 
   can't remember)
     
9. WARNING: consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug
   burn on the forehead.
     
10. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are
    tougher, handsomer and smarter than some really, really big guy named 
    Psycho.