Bar-B-Que Recipe from a hillbilly biker;

REMEMBER: both low and slow! are the vital elements to good bbq cooking! Low heat, slow cooking and lotsa smoke!

Step 1-Git up afore the chickens.

   Drink a beer*.

   Wash your thawed meat thoroughly. My preference is Pork butt, whole pork shoulder, loinback

   ribs, or pork tenderloin in that order. Beef really sucks for BBQ. Drink a beer*. Place meat in

   aluminum disposable pan with 2 inches of Wickers (tm) Basting sauce. I have used it many

   years and won many trophies in professional cook offs. This can be ordered from Hornersville,

   Mo. Also available in smoke flavors.

   Drink a beer*.

   Let set covered for 2 - 12 hours while you drink many beers*. Ribs and small cuts not so long.

   Now dry season with whatever you want or like. My favorites are - Lemon pepper, cayenne

   pepper, garlic salt, onion salt, season salt, hell, any kind of salt. Pork needs lotsa salt when

   cooking, just don't overdo it. Garlic & herb seasoning, paprika, and Chile powder are also good. Shucks, Taco seasoning works also and is cheap!

   Actually any kind of seasoning y'all like is OK. Durkee makes a smokey mesquite seasoning in large

   containers that contains most spices that will save some money. Its available at Sam’s Club, Costco, etc.

   To make some real killer BBQ cut fresh garlic cloves and make slits in the meat. Stuff the garlic down

   into the meat liberally. Do not worry,  it cooks into the meat. Drink a beer*. By now I hope the hell you

   have the fire going (burned down to coals). Seal the meat in the pan with aluminum foil. The sealed pan

   is the key to tenderness and taste.

   Drink a beer*.

   Place the meat on the grill OFF the coals, or put it in the oven at 275 until the meat starts to git tinder if it is a larger piece.

   Y'all can tell when its tinder by stabbing it wit yo whittlin' knife or a fork. If it pulls out easily its tinder,

   if it sticks its not. Real simple eh? THE KEY TO GOOD BBQ IS SLOW COOKING! DO NOT RUSH IT!

   Don't open the foil when you check it for tenderness. Just stab the sucker like you hate it (like all 4 exwifes).

   Tenderloins & ribs will not take long. An 8 pound butt or whole shoulder may take 2 hours or MORE to tenderize.

   If you are cooking a butt plan on total time of 7-8 hours, a 10-16 pound shoulder 9-11 hours. A tenderloin or

   ribs only about 2-4 hours total. By now, you need to drink a margarita. Right before the meat gets too tinder,

   put some kinda wood chips (soaked in water or use green wood) on the fire. I like mesquite, hickory, and

   applewood. This gives you the smoked flavor. Hickory is my favorite. OK, another margarita now

   (for you not the meat). I generally have enough smoke coming out of the grill to get the fire department out at least

   once a year. If you are still with me go to step #2.

Step #2 - Remove the meat from the glop you had it in with forks or thongs.

   Its going to be real nasty stuff in the pan, so throw it into the neighbors yard. DON'T throw it on their children

   cause its hot!

   Place the poor pig meat on the grill at the opposite end from the coals to dry it, smoke it, and crisp the outside.

   More dry rub can be added based on your preferences. I hope you did not use too much salt. What the hell,

   have another margarita now. My experience shows that the longer you make people wait to eat, the better they

   think the food is, so cook slow.

Step #3- The whole key is to git the meat tinder regardless whether it takes 1 hour or 2 (ribs) or 20 hours (a 160 pound

   whole hog). Then finish it with the smoke. MOST IMPOTENT- Cook slow, don't git in a hurry, drink lotsa beer*.

   If your company doesn't like the standard of your cooking, tell them to lower their standards!

Step #4- Holler “j'eet yit” ? By now your party company should be real drunk and real hungry. Please don't ruin the

   meat by pouring a bunch of store bought sweet sauce on it. The meat should have very good flavor, be tinder, and

   some yucky sweet sauce will detract from it. Worse case put a bottle of sauce on the table for the Northern company.

   Now if you are doing a whole hog, send out for more beer*, cause its gonna be an all nighter. I always start with

   a 160-190 lb. white skinned pig (like my first wife). I put it on a big grill belly down at 400 degrees for the first three

   hours to git the meat hot to the middle FAST. If you don't, it can spoil on the grill. Makes for a real bad smell and a lot of sick people.

  Then I back off to 275-300 for many beers. Actually, I have never owned a thermometer, I just cook from experience.

  With the skin on you can tell its cooking good by the bubbles under the skin. There should be a steady stream of bubbles.

  If the bubbles slow or stop=MORE HEAT. After 12-15 hours the skin is ready to come off with all that nasty fat (like my second wife).

  Now under on the sides of the coals  (not under the meat) place some seasoning wood (hickory preferably).You don't want

   fire on your meat, just heat.

  At this point I start pouring Wickers Basting sauce and poke a knife in it in various places (like my third ex-wife) so the Wickers will

  soak in. After each basting with Wickers lay the seasonings mentioned before all over the meat.   I usually cook a whole hog

  20-25 hours slow. Its done when the meat in the MIDDLE is done. The "knuckle" meat must be done before judging at a

  cook off. This is the meat at the leg joints deep inside. The outside will probably look overdone, but it will be awesome.

AT THIS POINT YOU WILL HAVE 1 PISSED OFF PIG (like my 4th wife) IF YOU FORGOT TO KILL IT FIRST!

Note: Never try to teach a pig to sing. You will just get frustrated and piss the pig off.

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