Good is the Root of All Evil My dears. The time has come for me to tell you about the root of all evil. No. Not money. That is a little Christian lie. Well, to be honest it is a very big Christian lie. You see, the easiest way to get a Christian to cast something aside is to tell him that it is evil, like money, and of course Christian churches are so willing to take that evil money off the hands of its members. It's such a scam. Preachers quote Jesus, "You cannot serve God and mammon", and, "It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter to kingdom of God", and out pours the money into the collection plate. These Christians aren't hearing the right quotes. Better ones are, "A fool and his money are soon parted", and, "There's a sucker born every minute", but often it is so pointless to try to stand between a Christian and his need for guilt reduction. The collection plate gathers in the guilt tax. When Christians make money they feel guilty about it. That's how they are. They've been brainwashed to believe that it is better to give than to receive and that money is the root of all evil. Getting paid makes them feel selfish and sinful. So they give a little back to the church and it makes them feel holy again. Doesn't that just make you sick?
Of course, there's nothing evil about money, it's how you use it that makes it evil. Like in the Old Testament where people bought and sold slaves. Or when Christian groups buy votes for politicians so that they can force their beliefs on everyone else. Or worst of all when the preacher lies to the congregation about original sin and then takes their money to absolve them of guilt. Yes, there are no greater examples of how something like money can be used for pure evil than the acts of priests and ministers. Good is truly the root of all evil.
You see, the road to hell is paved with good intentions, and Christians have constructed a six-lane expressway into the abyss with no speed limit and a carpool lane for Christian Cults (and Televangelists run the toll booths). When it comes to good intentions, Christians have the best intentions of all. They intend to save your soul, and they intend to save the world too. It sounds so sweet and innocent doesn't it? "We want to save you", they say, "You're headed for a horrible fate of eternal torture and pain and we've arrived just in time to save you". Save you, indeed. As if a little torture and pain ever hurt anyone. Well, it does. And that's the point. But it's a good kind of hurt. I'm sure that you know the feeling my dears and you wouldn't trade it for an eternity of mindless praising and rejoicing. I mean seriously, who would want to live forever shouting "Hallelujah!" at some party in heaven? Now, I know the idea of a party that never ends sounds good, but any party without sin just simply isn't worth attending. I know. I've crashed a few of those. They're boring. Mind numbingly boring. And everyone has this half glazed over look as if they've been drinking...but no one has. It's really creepy. But once I arrive everything changes. When everyone gets a good look at what I'm wearing the men go into hormonal overload and the women turn a lovely shade of green. I play it up. I stoke their emotional fires until the last bit of their Christian self repression has disappeared. Then I tease and I tempt, I coax and I dare, I stimulate and I instigate and I release all of their darkest desires (and I must tell you that Christian desires are some of the darkest desires of them all). It all leads to a glorious scene of debauchery where all manner of pain and pleasure, and agony and ecstasy are explored. I'd describe the details of one of these parties for you but I'm sure that you've all seen Hellraiser III.
The best part is when their parents, counselors, or sponsors show up unexpectedly. Well, unexpected to everyone but me that is. I call them, and I do it on purpose. The expressions on their faces when they see what I have done are priceless. It's the best part of the evening. No torture is more gratifying than the pain experienced by an over-protective mother or a self-righteous preacher when they see their dear, cherished, innocent, Christian youths writhing on the floor in ecstasy enjoying some wickedly sinful act. It's their deepest fear come to life. Their pain is my pleasure. Ahh, the sweet, sweet suffering...
But I digress.
Some Christians are evil and everyone knows it. They're people like Rev. Fred Phelps who spreads his message of "God Hates Fags" everywhere where it isn't wanted. And some Christians are just boring believers who never do anything good or evil their whole life. But the worst Christians of all are the nice ones. You know, those sickly-sweet always-smiling Christians who talk on and on about God's love and their personal relationship with Jesus Christ. They are evil incarnate.
I sense disbelief. "Sure", you say, "Everyone hates those annoying little creatures. But evil? How could they be?". Well, we all know about the great number of atrocities committed by Christians through the ages: the Inquisition, the Crusades, the candidacy of Pat Buchanan; but what we don't know is how they all got their start. For that the fault lies squarely in the lap of the so called "nice Christians". They'll deny it of course. They'll say that they abhor violence and war and forcing their views on others. And that's true, which is why it is so ironic their acts of love and kindness cause so much death and hatred. They know not what they do, but forgiveness they do not deserve.
Their message is always the same. "God is love". "God loves you". "Open your heart and receive God's holy blessing". "For God so loved the world that he gave his only son, yada yada yada...". Yawn. I'm sure that you've heard it all before. You see, these "nice Christians" hate guilt and they hate feeling guilty. They were raised by Christians who controlled them through guilt and shame and they spent their lives feeling bad about themselves. Then one day they got a visit from a little devil like me who told them to go out and do something fun and they gave in. For once in their lives they did something that they enjoyed and they didn't feel guilty about it. Yes, they experienced living. They felt great. But then instead of praising Satan, they gave God the credit and everything went all wrong. It wasn't God's love that they felt, it was just a relief from God's hate, but the next thing you know they were going around saying that they'd been "Born Again". Humph. "Still-born Again" is more like it.
So now they run around telling everyone that God is love and that guilt is wrong. They blame traditional religion for forcing guilt on everyone. Some break away from the church, which is good, but only to form cults and join movements where everyone loves everyone else (but not in the proper physical way). Then they start spreading their message of love to other poor guilt ridden Christians to try to bring in more converts. That's where all the trouble starts. Not all people should be freed from their guilt, especially Christians, who need guilt to keep their evil desires in check, and least of all those horribly depraved psychopaths that Christianity is so good at creating. Now don't get me wrong. Evil desires are a healthy and natural thing that everyone should express. But inside the mind of a Christian, evil desires become corrupted and turn into abominable obsessions. They get strong desires to force their beliefs on everyone and plot to kill everyone who tries to stop them. They're mass murderers waiting to happen with the only thing holding them back being a wall of Christian guilt. And then one of these "nice Christians" comes along and breaks down that wall with all their talk of "love is good" and "guilt is bad". Then, as the saying goes, all hell breaks loose, and not in the good way. When Christians lose control, everybody suffers.
So now you know the truth my dears. Guilt is good, for Christians, because without it they would make the world a much worse place. And good is the root of all evil, because the Christians with good intentions free the Christians with evil intentions to wreak self righteous havoc on the world. Care must be taken when setting someone's evil desires free. That's my specialty. Accept no Christian substitute. That path leads only to ruin. So when you're lying in bed alone at night, and you hear a knock at a door you've never seen before, make sure that the demon on the other side is real, and not some angel in disguise. You'll regret it if you don't.
See you in your darkest dreams, dears.