She looked like a scared deer.

He couldn’t take his eyes off of her.

He was falling in love.

It was the last thing Nelson expected to happen when he went into the club. This was a place for men to indulge themselves. It was full of women dancing, some wearing little, some wearing nothing. There was loud music, powerful and rhythmic, intended to bring out the animal inside. There was much to drink. The glasses were always kept filled. And when the wine, women, and song had cast their spell, there were ways for men to satisfy their natural urges.

Nelson was on a holiday in Bangkok. He was trying to get away from the world of paperwork, deadlines, and unpaid overtime. He wanted to relax and let himself go. He knew Bangkok was the perfect place for that. It was a city devoted to making men forget about their troubles. But Nelson didn’t feel like indulging himself that night. He didn’t lust after the women. The music didn’t make him want to dance. And he didn’t feel the need to drink more than he should. Tonight he just wanted to sit back and let the world come to him. In Bangkok, a man with money is treated like a king. The locals did everything they could to make him happy. He let them. He felt his other life drifting far away. He let it go.

Then he saw her.

Nothing else seemed to matter anymore.

She was not one of the nude dancers. She was only a waitress. But all night long Nelson watched her serve him drinks. The dancers would come over to his table to talk. He bought them drinks. But all his attention was on the waitress. She looked so scared and helpless. It pulled at him deep inside. He felt she was wonderful. The dancers were confused. Why would he favor a lowly waitress over so many sexy dancers? Even he didn’t know the answer. All he knew was that he did.

The head waitress saw his interest in the barmaid. She decided to intervene.

"You pay bar for her?", she said.

That was the way things were in these types of clubs. Even though the waitress was not supposed to go with the clients, everyone and everything could be bought for the right price. It surprised Nelson. He thought only the dancers were available. His eyes lit up. Suddenly the object of his desire was within his reach. His lips began to form the word "yes", but then he thought of her. He did not know if she wanted to go with him. He saw the look of fear on her face. He did not want to force himself on her. He held back, and said to the head waitress, "Only if she wants me to.". Nelson was in luck, she wanted him to.

Twenty-four hours later Nelson was on a flight back home. He had spent the entire time with the young waitress. He had fallen madly in love with her. She had feelings for him as well. In the short time they were together their feelings had grown into something very special. She felt so good just being with him that she refused to take his money when the day was over. Nelson insisted. She still refused. So instead he dragged her to a jewelry shop to buy her a beautiful golden bracelet. She accepted it graciously. It made Nelson happy. He even had thoughts of buying her a ring. He was close to asking her to marry him, but he was too scared.

When they parted at the airport the little Thai girl was so sad. Nelson wondered what he had done. He had filled her with joy and now he was filling her with sadness. She probably thought he was never coming back. It made him feel bad. Nelson knew he had to return one day.

Nelson couldn’t stop thinking about her. He pictured her in his mind. He remembered the wonderful time they had spent together. He had to see her again. He needed to take away her fear and loneliness. But in the world of paperwork and deadlines he was forced to stay at home. So he did the next best thing, he wrote her a letter.

For weeks there was no response. Nelson worried. He thought he had lost her. He thought about getting on the next plane to Bangkok so that he could see her again but he held back. Patiently he waited. Finally a letter came but the news was awful. "I’m in trouble.", Nana wrote. She had fallen ill and could no longer work. She couldn’t even afford to pay the doctor. Nelson’s heart went out to her immediately. He sent her money for the doctor. He wished he could be there to see her through her illness. Alas, it would be months before he could return. He used his pen to draw close to her.

They kept exchanging letters. Nana wrote that her health was improving. She had been able to return to work. For Christmas she sent him a card and a gift. It  filled Nelson with joy. He longed to return and see his beloved Nana. But a month before he flew to Thailand to see her, bad news struck. Her brother-in-law phoned him and warned him that Nana’s illness was going to be fatal. Nelson didn’t believe him. Nana had said that she was going to be all right. Then he thought that she might be hiding something. Nelson didn’t know what to think. So he prepared for the worst and hoped for the best.

Nana met him at the airport. She had lost a lot of weight. Nelson didn’t even recognize her. She recognized him. She embraced him. She kissed him. She was so happy to see him. Nelson was pleased to see her again, but deep inside he worried.

They spent every moment together for three weeks. Nana was tired all the time and so they slept in past noon every day. They would go out and buy a lot of food for her to eat. Nelson wanted Nana to gain her weight back. She ate a lot, but every night she would vomit it all back up. She was sicker than he thought. She tried to hide it from him. She didn’t want him to see her like that. Nelson didn’t give up hope. He did what he could to make her happy. He did everything he could to make her well again. His money went a long way in that country. He could easily afford all of Nana’s medical and food bills as well as a lavish banquet for her family. His money was making her happy and he was so willing to spend it on her. The money meant so little to him. Her happiness meant so much.

Once again it came time for Nelson to leave. He didn’t want to. He forced himself to go. He had already spent more time away from home than he could afford. He promised her he would return as soon as he could. It would be several months. He gave her a lot of money and hoped that she would be OK. She was always positive. She knew she was going to live. But there was always that fear in her eyes. Nelson was losing hope. No one could tell him what her illness really was. It seemed very serious. He wondered if this would be the last time he would see her.

It was.

Nelson was crushed.

Nana had died of cancer in her lungs and abdomen. It had eaten away at her insides. Nelson could only imagine how painful it must have been. He couldn’t imagine how much courage Nana had to endure it and to still believe that she was getting better. It made him love her even more. When he talked to her family he found out more about her. He learned that her life before she met him had been miserable. She had given birth to a child when she was only 13. The child was being raised without a father. Such a thing was looked down upon. Nana had hidden it from Nelson. She did not want him to know her shame. Nana had spent her life trying to make others happy. She did what others wanted her to do. She did what she was told. Few ever cared about her. She was so lonely. Only Nelson cared enough to make her happy. For that she gave him all her love. She had never known the simple pleasure of love given and love returned before she met Nelson. Her entire life might have come and gone without ever feeling it. Love is a simple pleasure but so hard to find. Nelson showed it to her. It made her life worth living. It made all her pain go away.

Nelson grieved. He had been hit hard by the news. Life barely seemed worth living anymore. Nelson searched desperately for good memories to take away his sorrow. He remembered something she told him to do in their last days together. She wanted him to shave off his beard. He told her he would go to the barber tomorrow. She said no. She told him to wait until he got home. She said, "It’s not for me, it’s for you."

Nelson didn’t realize what she meant at the time. Now he did. Nana’s younger sister was attracted to him, but she did not like his beard. Nana felt her sister would like him better without the beard. Nana wanted him to marry her sister. Nelson smiled as he thought about Nana’s little scheme. It was so sweet and innocent. But the more he thought about it, the more he realized it was a true expression of her love for him. At the end she knew she was going to die. She had accepted it, but she never let on to him that she had done so. That was the way she was. Knowing that she was going to die made her think about Nelson’s future. She wanted him to be happy. She knew he would be lonely. She wanted him to marry her younger sister so that she could make him happy. There was no jealousy at all within her. Her only concern was his happiness. She was so selfless. She was so committed to making him happy. Nelson felt the impact of her gesture. He was overwhelmed. No one had ever cared so much for him.

And now she was gone.

Nelson began to cry. He cried harder than he ever had in his life. He cried tears of sweet sorrow. Remembering Nana felt good inside. Knowing that she was gone felt awful. The feelings mixed in his heart. He let those feelings flow out of him. It felt good to him to feel sad.

It would not be the last time he cried for her.