The Christian Wedding
In North America
More people get married in June than in any other month.
This isn't just because the weather is generally nice, although that sounds good to me.
Actually, June spells weddings for several reasons.
- Some authorities believe June is named for Juno, the Roman goddess of marriage.
- Roses--the flower of love--bloom in June.
- Old superstitions would recommend it. (Marry in the month of May, and you'll surely rue the day. Marry
when June roses grow, over land and sea you'll go. There's a saying for each month.)
Mostly, though, I think people get married in June because everyone else does. The timing
has the crowd's seal of approval, which is reassuring when you're spending an average of $19,000 (in the United
States) on a wedding ceremony and trappings.
And that's kind of the problem with weddings. They suffer from too much sameness, from
too much mindless adherence to tradition. Yes, it's nice to see love in bloom with the roses (especially when you're
close to the bride and groom). But how many times can you see a long white dress, veil, tuxedo, cake, bouquet,
and army of bridesmaids and groomsmen without feeling like you're sitting through another re-run. You just can't
find anything memorable to set one apart from the other. Who did what at which wedding is an impossible thing to
remember because they are all the same.
Don't couples deserve more than a McWedding with cheese? And don't guests deserve a
show that is different, exciting, and original? Of course they do.
The more you know about wedding customs, the easier it is to pick and choose the ones that mean the most,
thereby giving you a unique ceremony. Likewise, the more you know, the more amused you will be during the
ceremonies you sit through as a guest.
The typical North American wedding
is just bursting with meaningful rituals and traditions.
Have you ever wondered why certain things are almost always done at weddings? For
example, why the bride carries a bouquet or wears a veil? Or why guests throw rice or rose petals over the
newlyweds? Everything has a reason. Some very popular and much loved practices cross many religious and cultural
borders. Here are several rituals that are commonly observed in many modern weddings. Also their origins and
symbolic meanings, and some suggestions on how you might incorporate them in your ceremony.
Veiling And Unveiling Of The Bride
The Special Meaning Of The Bride's Veil - The veil represents modesty and respect. It
symbolizes the sanctity and exclusiveness of the marriage covenant and reminds the couple and the witnesses that
the physical relationship is to be entered into only after the vows are completed.
When working with a couple, I suggest that the bride carefully consider her preferences regarding veiling. Will
she have the veil covering her face? If so, who will unveil her? Would she prefer not to wear a veil at all?
Various meanings have been attached to the veiling, from a sign that the bride is protected from evil spirits to a
symbol of purity and virginity. In contemporary terms, I prefer to think of the unveiling as a rite of passage into
matrimony and the public presentation of the bride.
- Whoever escorts the bride down the aisle may unveil her before kissing her farewell. In a Christian or
Western-style ceremony, this is usually her father (or, for various reasons, could be a brother or uncle). He
shakes the hand of the groom, who then extends his arm to his bride. If the bride's escort is her father, I
sometimes ask if he has any parting words.
- If the bride is processing with both parents, the mother usually does the unveiling. And mothers typically
know more about veils than fathers! Mom embraces her daughter, who then embraces her parents and bids
them farewell. This is the signal for the groom to take his place beside the bride. In a lovely gesture, the groom
may embrace his future in-laws; tender words are exchanged, a tear or two may fall. This is a moment of
symbolic farewell. Then the groom gallantly offers his arm to his bride and brings her forward before the
altar.
- The bride remains veiled, until the nuptial kiss, at which time the groom lifts her veil and kisses her for
the first time as his wife. Romantics favor this option!
"Something Old, Something New, Something Borrowed, Something Blue"
Old and new items jointly symbolize the passage from the old unmarried state to that of the new married
union. The wearing of a borrowed belonging demonstrates community participation in and approval of the
wedding. Blue is worn because it is the color that signifies purity, love, and fidelity.
White Aisle Runner
A white aisle runner symbolizes walking on holy ground. A marriage covenant is not made
merely between two people and their witnesses. It is made in the presence of God and He is actively involved in the
agreement. The white aisle runner symbolizes God's holiness.
Exchanging Of Rings
The wedding rings symbolize the promises binding two people together in marriage. The
unbroken circle of the wedding band represents the continuity of undying love.
If you've ever wondered why Americans put the wedding ring on the third finger of the left hand, it's because of
an ancient Greek belief that a vein in this finger ran directly to the heart. And if you've ever groaned at having to buy
both an engagement ring and a wedding ring, you can blame Pope Innocent III, who instituted a waiting period
between engagement and marriage in the 13th century and also insisted that a ring be used in the wedding ceremony.
Before that, rings were used to seal an engagement only (as well as other important agreements).
Special Seating For The Parents
The parents of the bride and groom are part of the marriage covenant. The commitments they
make during the ceremony are just as binding as the vows of the couple. The final responsibility of parents for their
children is to determine with them God's will for a life partner. Thereafter, they serve in a chain of counsel for them
and their children. Parents enter in the line of authority and leave in the line of counsel.
The Groom Entering First
By this action the groom signifies that he is the covenant initiator. This is important because
whoever initiates the covenant assumes greater responsibility for seeing it fulfilled.
The Father Of The Bride Walking Down The Aisle
This action has two meanings. By doing so, the father is saying to the bride, "I am endorsing
this young man as God's very best choice of a husband for you, and I am now bringing you to him." In addition, the
father is sayng to the young man, "I am presenting to you a daughter who I have earnestly endeavored to raise as a
pure bride."
The Bride And Groom Taking Each Other's Right Hand During The Ceremony
The open right hand offered by each party symbolizes their strength, resources and purpose.
By clasping each other's right hand, they pledge these qualities to each other so that each partner can depend on all
the resources that the other brings into the covenant relationship. The handclasp goes far beyond sealing the contract.
It symbolizes the cleaving together of lives which is to be accomplished in the marriage covenant.
The Groom Making The First Vow
The groom must be the leader and assume greater responsibility to fulfill the marriage covenant.
As covenant initiator, he must commit himself to the purposes of marriage which God established in the beginning.
Bridesmaids' Dresses.
If you've ever wondered why bridesmaids all dress the same, it's because Roman law required ten
witnesses to make a wedding legal. Several of these witnesses dressed up exactly like the bride and
groom, to confound any malevolent forces who might show up uninvited. Europeans followed a similar tradition,
and later bridesmaids and groomsmen sometimes did have to defend the happy couple against real-life thugs and
warriors.
Sharing Of A Cup Of Wine
Sharing wine between the bride and groom is a popular practice in many cultures and religions, so the
wine ceremony can be adapted to celebrate two heritages at a wedding. These variations can be made to
suit your cultural, and personal needs. Have your Minister include a bit of verse that has special meaning to you. Use
a cup that represents your heritage. If you are Ethiopian, you may wish to drink honey wine from your native land. If
you do decide on a personal variation, make mention of it.
Here are some examples on which you might model your wine ceremony:
- Minister: This goblet of wine represents the cup of life. "Within it is port, which
symbolizes the sweetness of life. If this port is any indication, our couple's life will be very, very sweet!
(Groom)____________ and (Bride)____________, we now ask you to drink from the cup of mirth
and abundance.
- Minister: The bride and groom will drink a cup of wine. In ancient Greece, wine was
considered the nectar of the gods. (Groom)____________ and (Bride)____________, we pray that your life
be as sweet as the sweetest nectar.
Breaking Of Bread
The breaking and sharing of bread, which is often wrapped in a white cloth and kept on the altar or table,
is another common tradition.
The celebrant might say something like this:
- Minister: The breaking and sharing of bread among family and friends is an ancient
tradition. It symbolizes that we are all nourished and sustained by the very same love that brought our bride
and groom together.
(The Minister then breaks the bread and offers it to the bride and groom.)
- (If the bread is being shared with the bridal party or all those in attendance, the celebrant may add)
Minister: Today, they share this love with you. (The Minister gives a piece of bread
to each of those participating, and partakes himself as well.)
Minister: This bread has special significance because it was made by the loving hands
of the mother of our bride. It will later be shared with all of you at the reception as a symbol of the bride's
and groom's sharing their love with us on this blessed day.
- (If you wish, the bread can be broken for the bride and groom and the bridal party. The bridal attendants
then pass around small, precut pieces arranged in baskets to the entire congregation.)
Handfasting, or Binding Of The Hands
The binding of the hands ritual is universal; it has numerous meanings and can take many forms.
Handfasting existed in the Pagan Celtic period, when the hands were bound with a ribbon or cord. In
some Buddhist ceremonies, the couple's hands are bound with the Buddhist rosary, the mala. In a Catholic service,
the priest will sometimes wrap the hands with his prayer stole. In the Hindu wedding ceremony, the hands are
bound with a special thread. In an African-American union, the celebrant may wrap the couple's hands in kente
cloth and explain something of its significance to the guests.Typically, the handbinding fits most comfortably after
the couple's declaration of intent and before they take their vows. Here are some suggestions:
The Basic Handfasting
If the Minister is using a prayer stole, he may first take the stole in his hands.
Minister: This prayer stole indicates that God has joined you together. As your hands are
bound, So are your hearts, minds, bodies, and souls.
(The Minister wraps their hands, closes his eyes in a few moments of silent prayer, then
unwraps their hands. The ritual may end there, or the celebrant may say the following words while supporting the
couple's joined hands with his right hand from below:)
Minister: As you hold the hands of your beloved, listen to what I am about to say. Above
you are the stars, below you is the earth, as time does pass, remember: Like the earth should your love be firm,
grounded in your humanity. Like a star should your love be constant, imbued with the light of God. Let the powers
of the mind and of the intellect guide you in your marriage. Let the strength of your wills bind you together. Let the
power of love and desire make you happy, and the strength of your dedication make you inseparable.
Including Family Members
If the mothers are being honored at another ritual during the service, such as in the lighting of the unity candle,
you may wish to involve the fathers at this point by asking for their blessing on the union. Alternatively, all parents,
perhaps stepparents as well, may come forward.
Minister: Will the fathers of the bride and groom please come forward? Your children ask
your blessing upon their marriage. Do you bless this union?
Fathers of the bride and groom: Yes.
Minister: Then will you each place your right hand upon the hands of your children and
join me in a silent prayer.
(The minister places one hand on top of the fathers' hands and one hand below the couple's hands, in a cradling
or cupping gesture. There follows a silent prayer, thirty seconds or so, or the minister may say a brief prayer. He then
thanks the fathers and asks them to. be seated.)
Holding Hands In A Moment Of Silence
If you do not like the idea of your hands being bound, your minister may simply hold your hands in a reverent
moment.
After the declaration of intent
The minister asks, "Since it is your intention to join in marriage, will you now join hands
and with your hands your hearts?" These words are from Shakespeare. Then he holds your enjoined hands with
both others, gently, reverently, with closed eyes, for a moment of silent prayer and blessing. This is a wonderful and
reverent prelude to the vows. It focuses and prepares the couple to say the powerful words to follow.
The Couple Being Pronounced "Husband And Wife"
This establishes their change of names and a definite point in time for the beginning of the marriage.
These words are to remove any doubt in the minds of the couple or the witnesses concerning the validity
of the marriage.
You May Exchange Souls With The Bride
During the Roman empire, the Romans used a kiss to seal a contract. The kiss was
considered legally binding. Continued use of the kiss to seal the marriage bond is based on the deeply rooted idea
of the kiss as a vehicle for transference of power and souls. The big wedding kiss symbolizes the swapping of souls
between the bride and groom. What's more, a bride marrying in the Church of England had to kiss the minister
before she smooched the groom.
Signing The Wedding Papers
The newlyweds sign the wedding papers to establish a public document and public record of the covenant.
Signing The Guest Book
Your wedding guests are official witnesses to the covenant. By signing the guest book, they are saying, "I have
witnessed the vows, and I will testify to the reality of this marriage." Because of this significance, the guest book
should be signed after the wedding rather than before it.
Where's The Toast?
We call it a "toast" when we drink to someone because of an old French custom in which a piece of bread was
put in the bottom of the wine cup (for flavor).
Yuck! Partygoers would drink and pass the cup; when it reached the person being toasted, he would drain it
crouton and all. It sounds pretty unhygienic. But think of how much more excitement a crunchy beverage would
bring to the traditional wedding toast.
Many things are thrown through the air at weddings:
The Bride's Bouquet - Bridal bouquets have evolved through the ages. Saracen brides carried
bouquets of orange blossoms to symbolize fertility, and Roman brides carried sheaves of wheat to symbolize
prosperity for their husbands. In the eighteenth century, the practice of carrying a bouquet of flowers or herbs
became a popular tradition which symbolized fragility, purity, and new life. Bouquets of dill were among the most
popular herb carried. After the ceremony the dill was eaten to "provoke lust." Today bridal bouquets are tossed to
assembled single women to symbolize new life and to pass on the bride's good fortune.
Rice And Petals - In the Middle Ages, handfuls of wheat were thrown over married couples
to symbolize the hope for fertility. In modem times, rice is typically thrown as it also symbolizes fertility, m recent
years, flower petals have become another alternative, symbolizing beauty, happiness and prosperity.
Garters - Apparently, in the good old days, before wedding dresses cost as much as small
cars, people used to rip off chunks of the dress for good luck. The garter was like some lizards' tails: something that
could be shucked off in self-defense.
Socks - In long-ago England, friends of the groom would rip off their socks and throw them;
the first to hit the groom's nose would be the next to be married.
Bride To The Right Or Left?
Traditionally, the bride stands on the left, the groom on the right. (Although the Jewish
wedding tradition reverses this.) Weddings used to be a lot more like the ones you watch on daytime TV, with
dastardly ex-suitors and other thugs sometimes rushing the altar. And of course, some wedding crashers were
heroes, just trying to rescue a captured bride. Whatever the reason for the interference, the groom needed to keep
his right hand free so he could grab his sword, thus the bride stood clear and to the left. I wonder what happened
when the groom was left-handed?
Candle Lighting Ceremony
In this much loved ritual, three candles are placed on the altar or table, two side candles
representing the individual spirits of the bride and groom, and a center candle that signifies the light of their
relationship. I like to have the groom light his side candle when he takes his place by the altar. Then the bride will
light her side candle when she comes forward in the procession. However, the mothers may light those candles at
the beginning of the ceremony.
After the vows the couple will lift his or her lighted candle and together they light the
center candle.
Releasing Of Butterflies
The butterfly release is visually magical and a popular ritual these days. At the conclusion of
the ceremony, after the closing blessing is recited, perhaps twenty, fifty, or a hundred monarch butterflies are released
to flutter over the heads of the couple and their guests. Typically this is done at an outdoor ceremony, though some
couples have their bridesmaids release the butterflies during the recession. However, the practice is politically and
ecologically controversial.
An ecologically conscious couple might adapt the ritual in the following manner: Capture two
wild butterflies that will remain in small, aerated boxes until the conclusion of the ceremony. The bride and groom then
each release one butterfly while the Minister recounts a Native American legend. (It should be noted, however, that
the butterfly release is not a Native American tradition.)
Here are two versions.
- Minister: A Native American legend says that if you have a secret wish, capture a
butterfly and whisper that wish to it. Since butterflies cannot speak, your wish is secure in her safekeeping.
Release the butterfly and she will carry your wish to the God, who alone discerns the secrets locked within
a butterfly. By setting the butterfly free, you are helping restore the balance of nature, and therefore your
wish will be granted. Please, (Groom)____________ and (Bride)____________, share now in this ritual
by making your silent wish and releasing your butterfly.
- Minister: Native American legend states that if you capture a butterfly and whisper a
wish to it, she will carry that wish to God and it will be granted. Would you all please make your silent
wishes now for (Groom)____________ and (Bride)____________ for their life together, as we release
two butterflies?
Releasing Of Doves
This ritual can take place with just two doves and with as many as fifty. Inevitably, there is a symphony of
oooos and ahhhhs from the guests. Often the doves fly away, in one massive, fluttering swoop. Again, this practice
is ecologically and politically controversial.
The dove release comes at the very end of the ceremony, or after the closing blessing.
The minister may end his blessing with one of the following passages:
- Minister: The dove has long been a sign of peace and hope. It is seen as a symbol,
an omen of good. In conclusion of our ceremony, (Groom)____________ and (Bride)____________
will now release the doves, and with them go all our hopes and good wishes for this couple's new life to
come. Go in peace to love and serve the Lord.
- Minister: The dove has long been a sign of peace and hope. It is seen as a symbol,
an omen of good. In conclusion of our ceremony, (Groom)____________ and (Bride)____________
will now release the doves, and with them go all our hopes and good wishes for this couple's new life to
come. Go now with love in your hearts and peace in your souls.
- Minister: White doves have long been a spiritual symbol of hope and peace. Our bride
and groom will now release two doves. As the doves are released, we ask all of you to fill yourselves with a
hope, a prayer, a good wish for (Groom)____________ and (Bride)____________ for the many years to
come. Their love is our great hope for peace.
The Purpose Of The Receiving Line
The receiving line is for guests to give their blessings to the couple and their parents
The Meaning Of Serving Food At The Reception
Food is part of the covenant celebration. It further symbolizes the unity of the couple. Entering into a meal
itself is a form of covenant.
The Bride And Groom Feeding Wedding Cake To Each Other
This represents the sharing of their body to become one. A New Testament illustration of this symbolism
is The Lord's Supper.
Want to Learn More about marriage planning?
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Religious Traditions
It is awe-inspiring to think how the life and teachings of one poor Jewish carpenter born in a stable over two
thousand years ago have affected and transformed much of the world. However Christian practices may vary
(from a ritualistic High Catholic Mass to a simple Quaker assembly, in temples of worship that range from
elaborately ornate and majestic cathedrals to unadorned wooden meeting houses) all hold in common the teachings
of Jesus of Nazareth. He lived for only thirty-three years, he wrote nothing, he traveled little, he was crucified by
the political leaders of his culture. Very little is known with absolute certainty about this historical Jesus, and
scholars continue the debate over whether Jesus' sayings were actually his. Still, there is no denying the power that
those words have inspired for centuries.
What Jesus Taught.
Jesus was a healer, a teacher, a miracle worker, a man who emerged from forty days of fasting and praying
in the wilderness to spend his remaining few years talking to his followers and to the crowds that gathered
around him. His message, in essence, was simple: God loves you, and you can best embrace his love by practicing
love and forgiveness among your fellow human beings. We hear his message as he describes the last judgment
(Matthew 25:40): "Inasmuch as ye have done it unto the least of my brethren, ye have done it unto me."
The words of Jesus of Nazareth electrified those who heard him. and remain at the ethical foundation of much
of modern civilization.
Many of his teachings came in the form of startling images:
- "Why do you see the speck in your neighbor's eye, but do not notice the log in your own eye?"
- "If you have faith the size of a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,'
and it will move."
- "It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for someone who is rich to enter the
kingdom of God."
- "Let anyone among you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone."
- "Unless you change and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven."
To me, one of the most astonishing teachings of Jesus was this powerful cornerstone of the Christian faith: "But
if anyone strikes you on the right cheek, turn the other also; and if anyone wants to sue you and take your coat, give
your cloak as well; and if anyone forces you to go one, mile, go also the second mile." And, perhaps it was at his
crucifixion, with death near, that Jesus gave his most compelling lesson: "Father, forgive them, for they know not
what they do." Such unconditional love for all humanity is what so many millions find uplifting and transforming.
From the historical Jesus to the Christ of faith. Jesus' life, ministry, death, and the belief in his resurrection have
become enduring symbols of life and the liberation from its pain. Indeed, it is faith in his resurrection that is at the
foundation of the Church. For Christians, it is synonymous with their own resurrection, signifying a spiritual rebirth.
When speaking of Christ and the Church, Christians are referring to the mystical body of Christ (a body of light,
love, and compassion, available to all humankind).
Estimates put the number of Christians at about 2 billion, making Christianity the largest religion in the world
today. Its divisions include Roman Catholicism; Protestantism (including Episcopalian, Anglican, Methodist, Lutheran,
Presbyterian, Baptist, and Quaker denominations, and the Evangelical and Pentecostal movements); Eastern
Orthodoxy (including members of the Russian Orthodox and Greek Orthodox Churches); and the Church of Jesus
Christ of Latter-day Saints, or the Mormon Church.
Christianity's scripture is the Bible: the thirty-nine books of the Old Testament and the twenty-seven books of the
New Testament. It is there that we read the message of love that underscores all the branches and denominations we
call Christianity.
Marriage in the Christian Tradition
In Christianity, marriage is considered a sacrament. For Roman Catholics, Anglicans, and those of the Eastern
Orthodox faith, Holy Matrimony is one of the seven great sacraments that define a life, from Baptism at birth to
Anointing of the Sick at death.
It is the joining of a man and woman in a permanent state of unity. Both parties must enter into marriage seriously,
and neither may be coerced. Together, husband and wife are expected to endure whatever life may bring (whether
happiness or sorrow, sickness or health, abundance or hardship).
Most Christian weddings have an altar. The altar may hold the unity candle, wine, and bread.
Native American Spirituality
Native American spirituality is rooted in a profound sense of the interconnectedness of all living things including
animals and birds, the two-legged and four-legged ones, the winged ones; trees and other plants; men and women.
The sense of interconnectedness applies also to the life-giving elements of air, water, and soil. Here lies the belief in
the existence of the Great Spirit, the formless and sacred force that permeates the universe. All life is considered
sacred. All are to live in harmony. Giving thanks to the Great Spirit for its/his/her gifts is essential. Prayer, ritual,
fasting, and meditation are important to the keeping of a sacred life. As human beings, we are considered
responsible for ensuring the lasting welfare of all forms of living things.Given these basic tenets, along with deep
respect for the earth, it is easy to see why many in our increasingly ecologically minded society are drawn to Native
American spirituality and thinking. Here body and spirit are connected, being one with all life. It is said that Native
Americans love the earth as a newborn baby loves the sound of his mother's heartbeat.
About 2 million Native Americans live in North America; perhaps half today also identify themselves at least
nominally as Christian. Among the tribes and nations, traditions vary according to language, history, and
environment. Native Americans continue to honor the sacred rites that have influenced and indeed benefited so
many non-Native Americans. Many feel our indigenous population can teach us the balance that our Western
society so badly needs.
The Setting. You may hold your wedding outdoors, facing east if possible. One traditional
thought, which your celebrant can mention at the opening of the ceremony, states that the sun is a manifestation of
the Great Spirit, the sacred source of all life. Facing east, where the sun rises, signals hope for the union about to
take place.
On a table or altar, you may place sage, sweet grass, cedar, corn, feathers, a jug of water,
a fire, all have symbolic meaning (such as purification), in Native American tradition. You may also place there tied
bundles or "sticks" of sacred herbs, to be used in the smudging ritual.
Dress. In the custom of certain tribes and nations, the bride and groom include in their dress
or in the setting the following four colors, representing the four directions: black for the north, blue for the south, white
for the east, and yellow for the west.
Music. Drums, flutes, and rattles are often used during ceremonial events. You might wish to
have live drumming or playing of the cedar flute during your procession. Drums in particular are considered sacred in
many tribes and nations. Black Elk, a Sioux holy man born in the mid nineteenth century, explained the importance of
the drum: "It is because the round form of the drum represents the whole universe, and its steady strong beat is the
pulse, the heart, throbbing at the center of the universe."
The Washing Of The Hands. You may choose to begin your ceremony with a symbolic act of
purification, the traditional washing of hands. Your celebrant can offer water, which you in turn pour over each other's
hands in silent prayer.
Smudging. Smudging, or "sweeping the smoke," is a simple but powerful Native American
purification ritual, meant to clear away negative energies. Sage, considered the strongest cleansing herb, is the
traditional choice, though cedar or sweet grass may also be used. Bundles of these herbs are bound together with
cotton thread; smudge sticks can also be purchased. The smudge stick can be kept on the altar inside a shell or
ceramic pot.
At the smudging (which can take place toward the beginning of the ceremony, perhaps after the opening words),
the herbs are lit with matches and burned until they give off clouds of smoke. Prayers may be offered silently or aloud.
Then, either the minister or a designated person of honor "bathes" the couple in the purifying smoke. The celebrant
first offers the stick to the four corners or directions; then he waves the stick about the bride and groom, starting
from the lower bodies and working up to the heads. Sacred intent is paramount in this ancient ritual. Your minister
might offer the following explanation
Minister: We shall open this ceremony with the Native American tradition of smudging. This is an
act of purification, of cleansing. Sage is considered a sacred plant. It is offered now to the four corners of the earth.
All thoughts, all energies are purified and transformed from the negative to the positive, from darkness to light, from
fear to love, and from disharmony to peace.
African-American
More and more African-Americans are choosing to honor and celebrate their African heritage in their marriage
ceremonies. African-American spirituality is rich and multifaceted; its traditions, music, and literature are beautiful to
hear and behold. It is of the soul and feeds the soul, and its influences range from ethnic to religious. Ethnic traditions
come from Africa, the Caribbean, and the southern United States, while religious traditions of influence include
Christianity and Islam, as well as Yoruba and other indigenous African religions. If you wish to honor your African
heritage in a Christian ceremony in a church, check with the pastor regarding any possible restrictions concerning
music, dress code, ritual, and so on.
Dress. Native African dress is varied and can be quite regal. An African-American bride or
groom may choose to wear full traditional regalia or simply accents, such as an Afrocentric cummerbund or a gele
(the bride's head wrap), based on regional variations. The use of kente cloth (as part of the bride's or groom's dress,
as ornamentation for the altar, or for the handfasting ritual) is popular with many African-American couples. Kente
cloth, developed in Ghana over three thousand years ago, is brightly colored fabric of cotton, silk, or rayon,
handwoven and elaborately designed. Cowrie shells, symbolizing fertility, are also a favorite wedding ornament.
Music. In an African-American ceremony, music (live or on CD) may be gospel, traditional
African drumming, jazz, the blues, contemporary, or classical music. On the island of Anjouan off the East African
coast, drummers in double file lead the groom in the procession, a custom that might be a striking addition to a
Western ceremony.
The Setting. You may wish to create an African-inspired altar, which works particularly well
in an outdoor setting. Or simply drape kente cloth over the existing altar. Your altar should hold the elements
required for whatever rituals you choose. One suggestion is colorful candles with African designs for the Christian
lighting of the unity candle. Another could be bowls with African-inspired motifs for the spice-tasting ritual. Or the
bride and groom could state their vows while kneeling on pillows made from African fabric.
Ceremonial Washing Of The Hands. In Africa there are many variations on the ritual of
washing the hands. In one region water is poured from a gourd over the bride's hands. You may want to begin your
ceremony with a ceremonial washing of the hands by having your minister pour a bit of water over the hands of both
bride and groom.
The Partaking Of Spices. The partaking of spices is a delightful African tradition, rich in
symbolism. Four or more herbs or spices in bowls are set on the altar.
Each spice represents an element of life:
- lemon juice for sorrow,
- vinegar for bitterness,
- cayenne pepper for passion,
- honey for sweetness.
Some couples also include:
- finely chopped kola nuts for strength,
- palm oil for peace and serenity,
- water for purification and blessing.
I very much like the idea of the bride and groom feeding the spices to each other. After the celebrant states the
significance of each spice, the bride and groom take turns feeding it to each other, ending with a taste of the sweet
honey. You may feed each other with small spoons, or do as many of other couples have done: Use your fingers!
To watch the faces of the couple as they feed each other cayenne pepper is especially interesting. Have a glass of
water on hand! Have fun with this ritual.
Your minister can offer the following explanation:
>Minister: The bride and groom will now take part in an African wedding tradition
whereby they will taste various herbs and spices. (Groom)_____________ and (Bride)_____________, in
marriage you commit to endure all aspects of life together. Whether life be bitter (represented by this vinegar), full
of sadness (sour like lemon juice), passionate, full of emotion, intense (like hot cayenne pepper), or whether
peaceful, calm, and smooth (like palm oil), we pray for you strength (as represented by these kola nuts). Finally,
remember this: Should your love endure all the elements that life brings, only then will your life be truly honey
sweet.
The Pouring Of Libation. Many couples are now choosing to include a pouring of libation in
their ceremonies. The celebrant pours an alcoholic beverage (typically gin, rum, or brandy) on the ground. This works
well outdoors; at an indoor ceremony the celebrant may simply pour the libation in a bowl or vessel and later pour it
into the ground.
The celebrant explains the ritual and offers a libation prayer.
Minister: Today we call upon our couples ancestors and all assembled guests in witnessing and
blessing this sacred union with the African tradition of the pouring of libations.
All praise to God Almighty,
Praise to our African ancestors and roots.
God gave his power for the roots of the trees to spread its branches wide.
If a man does not know his roots, then he does not know his God.
Let the spirit of God and our ancestors bring us closer in unity.
The following African wedding benediction is also appropriate.
Minister: Libations! Libations! (or: Blessings! Blessings!)
To the wandering spirits below!
To the spirits of the mountains,
To the spirits of the East,
To the spirits of the West,
To the spirits of the North,
To the spirits of the South,
To the bride and groom, together, libation! (or: blessing!)
May the spirits on high, as well as the spirits below, fill you with grace.
You may also choose to drink from the libation and later pour the remainder on the ground.
Tying The Knot. The couple are literally and symbolically bound together at the wrists during
the ceremony. In Kenya a leather band is used; other regions use braided grass. If you wish to honor your African
roots with this ritual, I suggest you have your Minister bind your hands with a sash of kente cloth.
Kwanzaa. If your marriage will take place at the time of Kwanzaa, in December, you may
choose to incorporate celebration of the holiday in your ceremony. After they state their intention to marry, the
celebrant directs the bride and groom to begin at opposite ends. of a table, each lighting three candles and meeting
in the middle to light the seventh jointly. Couples sometimes choose to incorporate the Kwanzaa principles into their
wedding vows.
Minister: In honor of Kwanzaa, (Groom)____________ and (Bride)____________ will light
seven candles, representing the seven tenets of Kwanzaa: umoja (unity); kujichagulia (self-determination); ujima
(collective responsibility); ujamaa (cooperative economics); nia (purpose); kuumba (creativity); and imani (faith).
Minister: (Groom)____________ and (Bride)_____________, as you light these candles you affirm
always to keep the light of these principles within your hearts and within your lives.
The Jumping Of The Broom. The jumping of the broom is a popular tradition with roots in
Mother Africa. African-American slaves were not allowed to marry; consequently, they developed a simple ritual in
which the elder of the family placed a broom across the threshold. When the couple jumped over the broom, it
signified the beginning of their making a home together and sealed the union in the eyes of the community.
The broom can be handmade of bound twigs and adorned with bells, cowrie shells, and ribbons, or it may be a
standard broom that is decorated. Some brooms are so beautiful that they are displayed in the couples' homes as
keepsakes. During the ceremony the broom may be placed either in front of or behind the altar, or it can be held by
an elder.
At the end of the ceremony, the celebrant explains the ritual.
Three versions of the explanation follow:
- Minister: We end this ceremony with the African-American tradition of jumping of the
broom. Slaves in this country were not permitted to marry, so they jumped a broom as a way of ceremonially
uniting. This marks the beginning of making a home together. It symbolizes the sweeping away of the old and
the welcoming of the new. It is also a call of support for the marriage from the entire community. It represents
great joy and at the same time serves as a reminder of the past and the pain of slavery.
- Minister: (This version honors the grandmothers) The bride and groom will now jump
the broom, a tradition with roots in Africa. It symbolizes the beginning of making a home together. It seals
the union in the eyes of our community. It is traditional that the elders of the family conduct the ritual. We
therefore call up (grandmother)____________ and (grandmother)____________. The celebrant then
hands the broom to the elder of one family, who makes sweeping gestures to eliminate any negative energies.
In this way the bride and groom begin their new life with a clean sweep! That individual then hands the
broom to the other elder, who places it on the ground. The bride and groom jump, then kiss. Immediately
the music begins, and the couple recess down the aisle to the cheers of family and friends!
- Minister: Our couple will now jump the broom, a ritual with roots in Mother Africa. As
the bride and groom jump the broom, they physically and spiritually cross the threshold into the land of
matrimony. Traditionally, jumping the broom was also a means of sweeping away any evil that may come
into their paths. Therefore, in honoring this ritual, (bride)____________ and (groom)____________ issue
a hope and a prayer of sweeping away any hatred or prejudice between people of different colors, beliefs,
or traditions.
The Cutting Of The Cord. An elder representative from each family holds a ribbon for the
couple to cut before they recess, symbolizing that the bride and groom belong no longer to their parents' homes but to
their own.
Readings And Quotations. Many couples choose to include religious passages from either the
Bible or the wealth of literature by African and African-American writers and poets.
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Ceremonies