Manipulators are very clever people. To avoid being the pawn of the manipulator, we must almost become a manipulator ourselves if we want to continue to relate to this special breed of person. However, we can learn a lot from manipulators. They are excellent teachers.
 Manipulating persons live in a state of perceived fear and have learned to manipulate others as a defensive behavior in order to protect themselves. Regardless of whether or not the threat is real matters little to the manipulator. Because of the perceived threat the manipulator learns subterfuge and does not communicate honestly with his or her environment or with others.  The manipulator is a taker and rarely gives to others.
 The most important thing we can learn from the manipulator is to “not” over react to the things they do which offends our sensibilities.  Manipulators become an inconvenience to us because even if their behavior is noticed by us the behavior is usually much less important to us than it is to them, but like sticks on a camel’s back eventually we reach a point of “enough is enough.”
 We have all probably heard the oriental saying that when a person raises one’s fist or one’s voice, one has already lost the battle. The manipulator challenges us to maintain our center and to come from love and affection. It is so easy to criticize and blame and bring out that proverbial list of things the other person has done which makes the camel’s back sag.
 The thing that the manipulator needs most is love and affection, yet they make it so hard for us to give freely. We almost seem to need to assert our selves to come from compassion. The last thing a manipulator needs is criticism or blame. It is very difficult to love a person who is attacking us or using us constantly without giving back in return.
 The manipulator’s most often used device is anger and blame, but there are other devices. The “clinging vine” is dependent on others, the “cosmic overly optimistic” person who is constantly defensive about everything you say and is full of “positive thinking” advice. They rarely listen or give you the feeling of being “heard.” The “dictator,” is a control freak “the overly protective” person won’t let you make your own decisions without their input and influence, the “nice guy,” smothers you with affection, “the weakling” who always needs help or who is overly sensitive and often has hurt feelings, “the bully” is outwardly controlling, “the calculator” is sneaky about control, and of course “the judge” who is constantly critical and has made a science and an art form out of blame.
 Whatever the mode of behavior a manipulator uses, their use of anger and blame in one form or another is remarkably clever. Manipulators also isolate themselves from others and often seem to be busy, resting or unavailable. They talk “through doors” instead of to your face. They hang up the phone or walk away before you have a chance to respond to them. The wise person knows this behavior comes from fear and must try to not over react to blame or to defend oneself when attacked with anger or blame which is usually irrational and unfair. After all one’s real judge is God and oneself. William James, America’s most famous and first psychologist once said “true wisdom is knowing what to overlook.”
 The manipulator does not trust. The important thing about the manipulator is to realize that we all have these behaviors inside ourselves in one degree or another. They can manifest in healthy ways or in dysfunctional ways. The manipulator’s most obvious outward appearance is often (but not always) an  unhealthy, usually overweight appearance, and usually stress in the facial expressions. The manipulator can not control his or her own diet and uses food to soothe themselves. This often leads to— in the more benign cases— overusing of sugar & sweets, coffee and foods full of fat, and in the more dramatic cases to alcohol, drugs, and tobacco. In pathological cases it leads to murder, rape and suicide.
 The manipulator does not have natural hygienic habits and can not seem to trust even oneself. Fasting is seen as “dangerous.” I have often gotten the most advice about fasting from people who have never gone a single day without food. For me, I have found fasting to be not only a process that purifies and rejuvenates the body, but a profound and wonderful spiritual journey. I fast every year on carrot juice mixed with the juice of greens from our organic garden. Technically this is not true fasting as with distilled water, but I have found it to be very beneficial for weight reduction and for spiritual benefits. It certainly improves one’s preference for natural foods and the natural taste of raw, whole, living foods.