• This entry is a combination of the two days I spent in Paris.
• Since it was the longest driving distance, we played silly bus games.
• We got in during the evening, had dinner, and then took a tour of Paris, all lit up.
• Drove by the opera house and Kate put on the Phantom of the Opera.
• The Phantom of the Opera deserved marching bands playing its songs.
• Then Kate did something mean to us.
• It involves Napoleon's teddy bear, and I'm not going to give it away and spoil the surprise.
• But we got to see the Eiffel Tower at night, and let me tell you, that is one slick nightlight.

  

• So anyway we went back to the bar where I hung out with a very sick Sarah, Nicole, and Jeri. Sarah was looking like she'd been gutted, stuffed, and placed on the couch, so we made her go to bed. Then these creepy English guys came over and hit on us, full-force. But not in a cool or flattering way -- they were looking for prey, not company. They were especially interested in Jeri, because she was drunk, and that pissed me off. So I told them that we were at a lesbian convention, acting as serious as a heart attack. Almost worked, except that Nicole nearly fell out of her chair laughing, and the really ugly redheaded one already knew we were Contikis.
• I was feeling downright surly and combative, so I started treating them like they were treating us. Even imitated their posture and stance.
• For this, they called me "arrogant."
• Funny how that works, isn't it?
• And really -- I don't recall inviting them over. So it was time to bring out the Bitch Hammer and get a bit more direct with my disinterest.
• So they pissed off, and all was cricket. They could only take so much of me.
• Heh.

  

• The music is blasting on the coach as I write this so it's hard to think.
• I can't imagine how people are sleeping right now, but they are.
• They're dead, Jim.
• Anyway, Paris.
• It was really sunny and warm because, well, I'm just that awesome with my Weather Powers.
• I'd much rather have Super Magic Lottery Powers, but this works.
• My sinuses are KILLING me.
• We had to get up at 6 am again and do some sightseeing around the Notre Dame cathedral, the museum where the Thinker is, and the Eiffel Tower.
• I kinda ditched the group when they did the Thinker thing and I walked around the block to read a paper at a newsstand, pop into a flower shop, and eat crepes.
• The flower shop had an oil painting I really wanted. It was a painting of four funky neon flowers.
• It worked out to be like $900 US. Yeah, I'll buy two. Right after my Murano glass lamp.
• The crepes were phenomenal. Crepes Napoleon -- made with chocolate and a liqueur.
• Hic. I mean, really strong liqueur.

  

• When we went to the Eiffel Tower, a scrungy grungy straggly stringbean man came up to me, and I realized it was Deggles, my buddy from Melbourne, Australia.
• We were planning to meet there at 3, actually, but he wanted to wait around to see if I'd get there earlier.
• He is currently living in hostels across Europe and eating bread and cake for subsistence.
• I don't think I'd want to be his large intestine.

  

• I still don't understand about half of what he says, but I'm getting better.
• We walked for a bit, then had lunch on the Champs Elise.
• AWESOME quiche. I highly recommend it.
• Deggles talks and talks and talks and I try to take in Paris. We saw the Arc du Triumph, the outside of the Lourve, and some other stuff. Mostly we just walked around and talked all afternoon.
• So after that we hit an internet cafe for a little bit and went our seperate ways.
• The Parisian metro is really hot and crowded.

  

• So then I went to a cabaret in the red light district with the Contikis.
• Cabaret is French for "Girls with small tits screaming and showing off their asses." We got to see the Can Can and a comedian and an acrobat and a redheaded trapese artist and a redheaded singer.
• Also, as part of the show, there was a dance contest.
• Four guys were chosen to come up on the stage and shake their thing.
• There were two old guys, a Japanese tourist who looked petrified as hell, and Dave from our group.
• The dance song was, of all things, our Wake Up Song by Wham!.
• So, naturally, the Contikis went insane when they heard it and we cheered real hard for Dave and he won.
• What did he win?
• A bride who took her dress off.
• Who pulled him backstage.
• He emerged a few minutes later with a plastic baby.
• It was priceless.
• Then we got back into our bus in front of the Moulin Rouge.
• Quite the way to end a tour, if you ask me.
• We were happy enough to cry.
• One of the couples in the tour group found out they're having a baby, so we all cheered.
• Right now I'm on the bus back to London.

  I can't wait to wear clean clothes.

Oh, Email me.